Freedom

  
Says he who is not continuously thrust into the realms of their painful past….

Says he who has never been abandoned, abused, nor devalued to the point of self hatred so vile ones very existence becomes insurmountably insidious.

Says he who knows the art of boundaries, yet fails to recognise the hardship it took to understand and practice the bounds in which we may protect our hearts.

Says he who lacks the compassion to know that great freedom comes not with detachment, but rather from an anchored identity founded in unconditional love….

Pain…

There is a pain in my heart, a tiredness, a hurt, injustice that goes beyond broken hopes and dreams…

Trust was broken, time and time again, and my little self, the child within me, screams out “oh God! Why me?”

Why have I been so hurt? Why was the carefree trust that you instilled in me broken down? And why now, why now does the world return someone who brings up this trauma?
I don’t want to be angry, I don’t want to rage, I don’t want to snap, to hurt, to panic, to fear pain. I don’t want to be disrespected. I don’t want to have to repeat myself…

Confused by an emotional over load, confused by the past being dredged up and spat out at me at a time when I am already so fragile!
I am done oh Lord: remove the pain. Remove the triggers. Remove the anger. Remove the turmoil…

Take it in His name… He died for me… I am forgiven for my woes…

I am healed from my pain. My misery buried with the man on the cross….

In His mighty name, pray with me… Amen.

True Self

I have thrown away the masks of falsity, I have made a choice to journey. I speak from a faceless body awaiting my soul to form true identity, awaiting the spirit within me to spark the flame of authenticity. I sense the presence of something grander, the presence of something more. More than the pain; […]

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Psalm One.

Psalm one Psalm 1:1-2 The truly happy person doesn’t follow wicked advice,doesn’t stand on the road of sinners,and doesn’t sit with the disrespectful. Instead of doing those things,these persons love the Lord’s Instruction,and they recite God’s Instruction day and night! Who am I if I am not the victim? Who am I if I am […]

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Black And White

I think in black and white even though the world is many shades and colours in between. I struggle to regulate my emotions even though I know exactly what my triggers are. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed I tune out, I dissociate…sometimes I get so overwhelmed I hate myself almost to death, then I cry […]

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I Am Not Dead Yet

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  There is an entity in my life. I haven’t told anyone about the depths of his existence for such a long time…. Perhaps because I like to hide him from the outside world, perhaps because I am ashamed of his existence. But mostly I think it is because the last time I opened my heart […]

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What If?

What if what happened to me was not just some “thing” that happened? What if what happened was a string of life events that perpetuated me into a state of irrevocable disequilibrium where equilibrium was impossible? If equilibrium is the state of knowing the self, with core beliefs as well as a core sense of […]

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Smile

Today She wore a smile. It was a gracious smile, a grateful smile, a brilliantly generous, superbly gorgeous smile. It was a smile that wasn’t just placed on her face, it was a smile that came from a place deep within. A place of hope and faith. A place she hadn’t felt for quite some […]

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It is ok, I am ok…

Where as me, I am just human. I have to work at understanding life. Understanding myself and acknowledging that I can only do and be so much. That in order to be ok, there will be times when I am not ok- and that is ok. It’s ok to fall apart. It’s ok to mourn […]

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What If…

What if… What if the situation is out of my control? What if my little heart bleeds for you and yet I can’t do anything about it? What if I wish, pray, hope, beg, and plead that things could be different, but in the end it made no difference? Is what I do enough? Is […]

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