Day Sixteen of 100 – One of those days

Day Fourteen of IVF Cycle – Today was one of THOSE days…

You know the ones, the days where it is beautiful outside but you have to work inside.

One of those days that you could really just live without.  Those days where everything goes wrong, nothing goes right, and everything and everyone is against you.  One of those days where you just shouldn’t get out of bed?

TODAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS!

This morning started with my newest of hormone treatments – Progesterone gel… This is meant to ‘build up’ the lining of the uterus and prepare it for implantation. Seems harmless right? Well well well… I have been here before, and you really really dont want to know… And at risk of ‘too much information’ i will share just two important comments

1. The ‘injection’ is not a needle, and
2. side effects

I know that the hormones have not had a chance to get into my system yet, and maybe there are some left in my system from the past week, i am not sure how it all works, all i know is that today was ‘one of those days’ and i feel like it wasnt me in there feeling these feelings.  Like i am watching myself experience these emotions.

Over the past year i have noticed at different points the feeling that i was not who i am, wondering why i was getting so sad and stressed, wondering why i was so frustrated and angry, why my temper had gotten the better of me, why i am so quick to throw my hands up in the air and say ‘i cant go on’

It is the weirdest feeling and i think unless you have been on this concoction on hormones, there is no way you will understand what i am writing.  No particular reason for crying when you should be smiling, no particular reason for yelling when you should be calm, no particular reason for having ‘one of those days’ but still you just keep having

ONE OF THOSE DAYS!

“A true friend laughs at your stories even when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your troubles even when they’re not so bad” Proverb