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ay eleven of IVF cycle - THE BIGGEST ROLLER COASTER RIDE YET!
125 iu’s FSH, Orgalutran injection PLUS Overdril (trigger injection), three needles tonight, feeling tired bloated, sick, at the limits of my pain threshold, emotions running wild… but thats it, after 8.30pm tonight, no more needles! Yip, yip, yippie! Egg pickup only 36 hours away… quality not quantity nurse rachael says… we want quality… and i am praying for good little googy eggs…
So today was a BAD day, i was sick, sore, extraordinarily busy and very very hormonal… and in my frazzled state of mind i may have accidentally overreacted, so in honor of a twenty year friendship down the tube due to hormones i have decided to pass on what i have discovered today for all to learn from…
The top ten emotions that will sneak up on you at any given moment, while you are on an IVF cycle are:
- Depression: despair, sadness, misery, hopelessness, gloominess, melancholy, dejection, unhappiness…
- Regret: feel sorry, disappointment, apologetic, repentant, remorseful, shame…
- Frustration: aggravation, irritation, disturbance, annoyance, dissatisfaction…
- Anxiety: nervous, worried, concerned, uneasy, apprehensive, restless, fretful, fearful…
- Confusion: bewilderment, perplexity, puzzlement, uncertainty, misunderstanding…
- Excitement: enthusiasm, thrill, anticipation…
- Inspired: encouraged, motivated, enthused, stimulated, stirred, moved…
- Joy: delight, happiness, pleasure, enjoyment, bliss, elation, thrill…
- Anger: annoyance, irritation, fury, rage…
- Overreacting: exaggerate, dramatize, be melodramatic, over the top, react excessively…
While these emotion are not uncommon to anyone else on this planet, the difference between emotions, and IVF emotions are that they are not only felt 1,000,000 times more powerfully. They are ALL felt in a very short time frame, and all jumbled up intermingled with each other, eating your brain up, consuming every thought you have…
A prime example of this was demonstrated today. The emotional roller coaster of me all began at 9.46am with an email, yes an email sent me mad today, and as the message went back and forth, and back and forth, and back again, well this is what transpired emotionally…
9.46am – Inspired
10.31am – Frustrated
10.46am – Angery
10.50am – At this point i think i overreacted
11.01am – Then came the regret
11.31am – Then AGAIN Frustrated
11.43am – And a little more regret
11.58am – Then Confusion
12.01pm – Joy, only given by the fact that it was lunch time)
12.28pm – Then back to the desk and it hits: Depression
1.03pm – Then the REAL feelings and emotions emerged…
1.04pm – misunderstanding excitement depression sadness misery hopelessness melancholy dejection unhappiness regret feel sorry elation disappointment apologetic repentant remorseful shame aggravation irritation disturbance dissatisfaction anxiety nervous worried concerned uneasy apprehensive despair restless fretful fearful confusion uncertainty thrill anticipation inspired encouraged enthused stimulated stirred moved joy delight happiness thrill anger annoyance irritation fury rage overreacting exaggerate dramatize be melodramatic over the top bewilderment perplexity puzzlement pleasure enjoyment bliss frustration react excessively annoyance gloominess enthusiasm motivated….
1.06pm – if u cant tell i am hormonal, at work, busy, & MY OVARIES HURT! Bloody hell! And still the rest of the day to survive…
5.23pm – i survived, i made it through the day! Unfortunately my BF of 20yrs is no longer talking to me, and doesnt understand that the emotions i felt today, and the reactions that occurred were somewhat out of my control. I wish i could say that i have learnt something, and i wish that i could say that i will never ever overreact again, but chances are i will. There are still many more hormones to be pumped into my body over the next three weeks, and still many more emotions that i will feel 100 times more powerfully then i expect. I feel that i cannot live in regret, what happened today happened, they way i acted may have seemed inexcusable, and i am truly sorry for hurting someone i love, but in the end i shouldn’t have to be anyone but myself i can’t help it, i am who i am. I’ve done nothing recently but bare my soul and be honest about who and what i am. If the truth that comes in the way of hormone enhanced emotions cannot be handled, then so be it. I tired, and i think i failed, but
“The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall.” Vince Lombardi
