Day twenty-six of IVF cycle - 3 sleeps until first blood test, 6 sleeps until confirmation blood test.
I am resolved to thinking that this cycle has failed. Call it a defense mechanism, call it knowing what my body is telling me, call it anything, but i know in my heart that in the end this cycle is going to be a negative.
And finally today i am okay about this, I am feeling somewhat uninspired, as i am emotionally tired - but i am okay. I have spent the last few days with my mind in a little (okay so a HUGE) emotional hole, wallowing in self pity. And as i got to work this morning, i was still feeling stuck and miserable once more as the cramps got worse and now back pain as well, which i know are not signs of pregnancy... But to cut a long story short, and to stop with my silly wallowing - I am okay with this. I have to be okay with this, there is nothing i can do.
And how did i come to this thought?
I got an email from my father, that among other things said "What will be will be"
Best advice i have had all week.
I am upset, and i am still hurting, but in fact there is nothing i can do, and i must pick myself up and continue my journey "Chasing a Miracle'" Because i know that what will be will be... and there is nothing i can do but to have a little hope and a lot of faith...
"Some see a HOPELESS end, while others see endless HOPE." Anon
