Day twenty-one of IVF cycle – 8 sleeps until first blood test, 11 sleeps until confirmation blood test.
Today i am over it… Whats new??? Bloody moody bitch am i…
I have had cramps all day and i am thinking ALREADY a fail? Couldn’t the cramps have at least waited until after the negative blood test? Now i am feeling depressed and just over it. I dont want to be here anymore, i dont want to do this. But i know that after i say that - i will go on, because my longing for children is only getting stronger and stronger as the no’s keep coming.
This is so hard… Too hard… I wish i had at least a chance next month… But I dont… I have to go to the doctor, make myself bleed, start on hormones, pay $10,000, give myself needles, go through extreme and almost unbearable pain for a couple of days, go under anesthetic, DH has to jack off in a strange room, i then have to recover in 5 days, pray that the eggs and sperm like each other, pray that the embryo’s form correctly…. THEN and only then do i get to play the waiting game… And if i get my period, then i get to do it ALL OVER AGAIN! I dont just get to count days and have sex…
This is so frustrating, depressing, heart breaking, tormenting, and just plain AWFUL! I wish, i wish, i wish, i wish the IVF would just work this time….
“In reality HOPE is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs mans torment.” Frielrich Nietzsche
