Day 13 FET Cycle -Progynova 2mg 3x daily
There is nothing physical about my cycle this time, minus the bout of nausea that i get each time i take one of those dreaded little blue pills…
It seems that this cycle, due to the fact that there is nothing physical about it, i have managed to find a new emotion.
How on earth is that possible? And no it is not a new emotion to me or anyone else in this world, it is a new emotion to me during my journey of 100 days of IVF. How is this possible? I keep asking my self the same thing, how on earth could yet another emotion be felt oh so powerfully? I already thought i had everything out, i thought that there was nothing more i could feel, that i had thought and felt everything that needed to be felt, and i thought i knew just what to expect.
I was wrong!
It seems once again my body and brain have proved me wrong, I am in fact NOT finished feeling everything that needs to be felt, and i am NOT experienced in ALL the emotions that IVF could possibly throw my way.
GUILT…
Where did that come from?
It came from my body betraying me.
Guilt because my body is so friggin stubborn
Guilt because there is nothing i can do
Guilt because i want to give my husband everything and i can not
and Guilt because i am becoming obsessed…
Why oh why cant my body just do what it is meant to do? Why cant things just go to plan? I am a woman who lives by a plan, and when things dont go as they are meant to i freak out…
So right now i am not only feeling guilty about the fact that my body does nothing… I am freaking out…
Oh look there we go, there is another emotion… Bloody hormones…
