Day two of the final full IVF cycle in our quest to chase our little miracle
I learnt something that i will never forget today.
Over the past year, i have learnt alot, but i think today i will take away the most important lesson that can be learnt in ones life.
I learnt that my pain, is not just my pain anymore, i now understand that my pain is my sisters pain too.
I thought that i was the only one that could cry and hurt from places so deep that i never thought i would stop. I thought that i was the only one who could feel as confused as i do and i thought i was the only one that didnt understand why this was happening to me, the only one to feel cheated…
But again i say, i was wrong.
This morning i saw my sister cry and hurt so hard for me i didnt know what to do.
The person who is my rock, the person who gave up everything for me, the person who would give her life for me, cant help me this time, and it is killing her.
I want this more than anything in this world, but today i saw how much my sister wants this for me too. I saw her cry the way that i do, i know now that when we got that negative on wednesday, it was her pain too. I never really understood that until today.
Today i realised just how invested my sister is in my life, i realised that i may not have had a mother growing up, but i have someone better than a mother, i have a sister who would give me anything, i have a sister that would give up everything for me if it made me happy, and i sit here crying so hard, i sit here wishing that i could repay her in someway, i sit here not knowing which words are the right words, i sit here wishing that i had realized sooner just how hard this is for her…
Today i learnt that my sister is as vanrable to the pain of infertility as my husband and i are, and i now pray that this time is a postive so that i can see not only the happiness it brings my husband and i, but so that i can see the happiness in my sisters eyes as she brings her son into the world knowing that he will have a cousin to play with in 9 months time.
Mrs Angell, i love you more than anything in this world, and just as you would for me, i would die for you – dont you dare ever forget how much i love you, and dont you dare ever forget that this is not your fault, and that there is nothing we can do about this but pray and hope…
“A sister is a gift from God, sent from above to make life worthwhile here below.”
