I’m not sure why, but where i live we do not celebrate thanksgiving. I dont know the reason behind the holiday, nor do i know the history, but i understand the meaning in the title, and i understand that for many today is the day where they reflect on what they have and what they are thankful for.
Yesterday my dream of becoming a mommy was taken away from me once more and put on a shelf well out of my reach. I’m not quite sure why, and im not even sure there is even a meaning or reason behind this infertility pain, but today i woke up and as i noticed people beginning to get excited about their holiday of thanks, i realized that i can not wallow, i can not let this defeat me, i must remember all the great things in my life, and once again dust of my skirt, take a deep breath, and be grateful for the opportunity that the month of december will bring, and who knows, maybe there will be a little magic this christmas in the IVF clinic…
THE TEN THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR IN 2009
- I am thankful that i have an understanding and caring husband that no matter what will stand by me and tell me that everything will be okay. A man who each month of this past year has picked me off the bathroom floor and put me back together again
- I am thankful for my Angell’s – for without them i wouldnt have this blog, i wouldnt have half as much hope as i have right now, and i wouldnt have the times when there was nothing more to say than just a simple i love you
- I am thankful for my health, i am thankful that i can run, and i am thankful that each day i am able to wake up and feel alive and well
- I am thankful for the sunrise and the inspiration that it gives me, without it i dont think i would have half as much faith that i do
- I am thankful for my job, while sometimes it is hard, and while sometimes i wish i could do my work better, i have a good job, and earn a good living, and work with some of the most understanding people i know
- I am thankful that IVF in Aus is affordable, and while the Government is changing the rules i am grateful that this year i was able to do three full IVF cycles, and recieve a conciderable amount back.
- I am thankful for my family, and my family in laws, without their support i again would not have gotten this far through. I am especally greatful for my step sister, she helps me everyday through my faith, and even yesterday gave me a verse to remember to trust in the Lord, and all the wonder he has to offer
- I am thankful that i have a roof over my head, food on the table and the clothes on my back
- I am thankful for those little moments, the ones where you realise just who you are and what you have right now, the ones where yesterday’s nightmares will remain in the past, where tomorrows fears will remain in the the future, and all there is is right here right now – and it is just perfect
- And lastly i am thankful for the past 65 days. I have gone through hell and back, i have struggled, i have cried, i have had my heart broken to the point where i did not think the pieces would fit back together, but without that, without the past 65 days, without my infertility, without the courage i found to share my journey, without that, i would not have found the friends that i found, i would not have met the people that i now talk to every day. I would not have had the opportunity to meet such a great support network, i would not have found out just how many people out there share my pain, and understand what i am going through, i would not know the love of perfect strangers, that somehow know just how much a *hug* can mean when you are hurting so much. And without the past 65 days i would never know that by just sharing my story i would be able to give others hope, inspiration, faith and peace within – even if it was just for a brief moment.
“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to thank with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” Albert Schweitzer
