With just 33 inspiring days to go, i have only a few small words for tonight...
Today is day one of the final full IVF cycle in our quest to chase our little miracle.
This year has certainly been tough, i have been through more than i could have ever imagined, the emotions i have felt have been to the absolute extremes, and i dont think i could handle another year like that. I keep thinking that if i stop and if i give up i wont be able to find happiness, but i know deep down that that is a lie.
This year my husband and i have learnt so much, and grown so much in our relationship, so much so that i would never ever ever say that this journey was not worth it. I have learnt that my husband does care, and i have learnt that deep down under the facade of "whatever" there is more, he wants what i want, but more than that, he just wants me to be happy. And to me that knowledge is worth all the turmoil we have endured, and has made this journey worth while.
So with the knowledge that while it was hard, and while it was worth it, it still is what it is - emotional turmoil, and because of that this is the last time for a while we will do this. I am not saying that this is the end, but if this doesnt work, it is the end for a while. Im not sure where my life's journey will take me after this, but i am sure there is something amazing out there waiting to happen to me.
And for now i still hold on to that little whisper of hope that says it is motherhood.
“The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.” Don Williams Jr.
