To my dearest little miracle,
I am so confused right now i am not sure what to do, your father and i think we may have decided that this is the last time we will chase you. Our minds are exhausted from all this turmoil and anguish, we are not even sure that doing this one last time is the right thing to do, but i dont think i am ready yet to give in yet, to say good bye to you.
I am, like your father scared and confused, i am not sure what God’s will is, and i again am not sure if what we are doing is right, but in my mind all i can think is that i said i would chase you for 100 days, and child, there is still 34 days to go on this challenge.
Putting a time line on such a challenge may not have been wise, putting your creation in the words ‘a challenge’ may not be wise either, but had had no other choice than to put this journey in terms that make it bearable, that would make it something other than what it is.
I am torn my child, every person is saying stop, everyone i love is telling me enough is enough, even your father is so unsure, that now i believe this time, he is only doing it for me.
A friend gave me some words that run through my head even now as i write you this letter “when the world shouts give up, hope whispers one more time” this time my child, this time is for hope.
And my hope is only that you will one day read this letter and know just how much my heart desired you…
Love from a mother that may never be.
*hugs* I too put a time limit on our journey before we were fully on it. We had been dealing with IF for a while but we had not done IUIs or IVF yet. Looking back, my timelines and limits were foolish. I know that I wan to be a mother more than anything else in the world. I used to say that 3 IUIs and 2 IVFs, then I’m done. Now, I know that I will keep trying until the drs say I have no chance.
We all support you and whatever decision you make <3
Not everyone who loves you is telling you to give up. I think you should o it as many times as is needed for it to happen. But only you know what you need, and as I said, you should follow your heart.
This post has me teary. I can’t tell you what to do and I can certainly understand the feelings of uncertainty. Make the decision that feels right in your heart. While that may sound simplistic right now, I hope that it ultimately gives you the answer you continue along what ever path this takes you. Thinking of you and sending you lots of support.
The choice is always yours. You will know when the right time to stop is, the right time to just have a break and the right time to start again is. The choice is always yours.
Love You