Limbo Land Day Two – It is over, i have lost my last IVF battle. A blood test will still be taken on day 98, but it is over, it is finally over, and now i tell you a story, something kept inside for what feels like an eternity now.
Once upon a time there was a woman, or maybe she was just a girl with a problem that she wished she could fix on her own.
Long ago, before her battle began, she had a feeling, a feeling that she kept a secret, a feeling, an emotion, a sign, it was something inside, something deep down, something that said not to do what she wanted to do…
She wanted to believe and she wanted to have faith, to accept and to follow that feeling she had inside, but she didnt want to leave this be, she didnt want to follow her instinct just yet.
Part of the girl now lives in regret, she wishes she had followed her gut, her feeling, her faith… But deep down she knows that this was what it was meant to be, and deep down at the centre of her being, she is happy that she did what she did. Glad that she is where she is right now, glad that she meet the people she meet along the way.
The problem is now she sits and wonders what would have happened if she had followed that instinct, would she have what she wanted all along? Or would she still be where she is now? She sits there and wishes she could have lived both realities, and chosen the one she liked better – but she knows that is not the way it works, she knows that she has made her choice and she knows that now she must live with it.
Once upon a time there was a woman, or was she just a girl? A scared girl with a problem she wished she could fix on her own. She wanted to believe and she wanted to have faith, and she wanted to follow the feeling she had inside, but she didnt, and now 97 days later she realised that this problem wasnt a problem that was meant to be fixed, the feeling wansnt a feeling that was meant to be followed. It was simply a journey, a lesson, an opening that led her to where she is now…
The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination. Don Williams, Jr.
