Day 49 in the quest to chase our little miracle
I do this often, and technically today should be no different to any other morning, but it was. This morning when my alarm went off, for the first time in almost a year, i actually jumped out of bed and looked forward to the day.
For that split second this morning, before the sun had even risen, i was excited to have the whole day ahead of me, i was excited about the future, i was excited to be getting out of bed for a walk, just me, the sunrise, and my tunes… I was finally excited…
And as i walked and watched the sunrise, it was like a door had opened, not a door to another world, but more a door to a cupboard… And in that cupboard held all the things i have been so desperately wanting to think about, but have not been able to, or felt like i was not allowed to… For years now i have been putting all my thoughts about anything baby into that cupboard, and this morning, this morning i got to open it…
I spent an hour and a half just thinking about all the things i wasnt allowed to think about before, i thought about things that i was scared to think about, and as i walked and as i said a quick prayer, i noticed i was crying…
I was crying because i went through hell and back. And i will never ever forget that, i will never forget the feeling that i went through something, something that made me scream, something that made me cry like i never cried before, something that made me feel pain like no one, expect the people who have experienced this, could possibly understand…
I went through hell and back, but because of that i now can have gratitude, love, appreciation, and faith when i open that cupboard door and think about the things i have so desperately wanted to think about… And because of the trials i faced, i can watch the sunrise once more, and be filled with endless hope…
Put your HOPE in God. Psalm 42:22
