Nine weeks, four days. Day 69 in the quest to chase our little miracle
I am not going to lie to you, i am the happiest i have been i a long time, and i dont care how hard it was to get here, i am here and that is all that matters.
But there is one thing that i missed out on.
Something that i did over a hundred times and each time it ended only in tears and heart ache.
Something that makes hearts race, tears flow, moments that change lives forever...
Something that i am going to do, if only to feel just that little bit 'normal' and to finally get just that little smile on my face, just that little giggle, just that little slip into a reality that will never really be mine.
I want to create a moment for me, my husband, and my baby, my new family. I am going to get my double lines, yes i am going to pee on a stick...
It might be back to front, it may seem just a little silly, but i have finally got my double lines, i no longer have to wish for a miracle, because by God's grace i have a little miracle growing inside of me.... And my double lines, well they give me tears, but they are no longer heart broken tears, they are tears of joy.
It will never take away from the moment i really got my positive, the real moment that i will treasure for an eternity is the day i sore my babys heart beat... I am sure if this was a little differnet, and i lived in an alternate world, that my double lines today would make my heart race just that little bit more, but for now, the double lines give me peace.
My double lines give me the hope and faith i need in tomorrow, the double lines give me an describable feeling that what is wanted can be achieved. I am not saying that peeing on a stick is more significant than my ultrasound image, it just gives me the feeling i so desired.
A year ago i pee'd on a stick and it left me feeling puzzled and empty.
Today a pee'd on a stick and it left me feeling full of excitement and a feeling of contentment and happiness that for a very long time i never thought would be mine.
Sometimes something so silly can make us smile, simply because in our heart we know it came from something more complex.
