Nine weeks, five days. Day 70 in the quest to chase our little miracle
WARNING, FOR SOME OF YOU THIS POST MAY CONTAIN TMI, SO IF YOU DONT WANT TO KNOW, DONT READ ON, AND REMEMBER: I WARNED YOU!
So you decided to start TTCing, sounds exciting, you and your partner get excited about getting to do the baby dance whenever, where ever, and however... right?
Right... Until you realise it is not working... Then it becomes a chore, something that has to be done this way or that way, something that is posed to one another as a question of before dinner or after dinner... Then it gets worse.. IVF, where you are told EXACTLY when to do it, and exactly when not to do it....
Then it gets a little bit worse, after the egg pick up, after the sperm collection... there is more medication... Crinone, gel that makes a 'cottage cheese' like discharge... I have told these stories before i know i have, it is gross, and no man would ever go back if he went there...
So you wait.... It is only two weeks after all, you think that once the wait is over it will be ok, baby dancing will become free and fun once again... No matter the outcome...
Then it comes the news you have been waiting a lifetime to hear, news that you wouldnt change for the world, news that makes all your dreams become reality, news that changes your life...
But where does that leave the baby dancing?
My story is unique, our child, our miracle, hasnt come with the same confidence as others, low hormone levels, and scans twice a week, left our doctor telling my husband to "keep it in his pants" just that little bit longer...
So i say it again, where does that leave the baby dancing?
To be honest, and i am not sure how normal or abnormal this is, i am too scared, i know it would be fine, and i have Dr Goggled it... but honestly - still scared... and no matter how much the desire to do a little baby dancing is, i am still too scared...
And on a lighter side, the thing that also bothers me about this whole topic, is eww gross, there is a baby in there! I dont care how little it is, its a human, can you imagine being showered in sperm? Not that the little tucker would remember it, but *sigh* well the whole thing just freaks me out just that little bit... ok i lied, it freaks me out alot!
So am i normal, or am i just a little paranoid and weird to be scared and freaked out?
If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances Julia Soul
