Ten weeks, two days. Day 74 in the quest to chase our little miracle
When i was young i believed that happiness is what you make of it, i learned that when you accept thing as they are, when you decide that what you have is enough, that is when you can be happy....
Maybe that can be true, maybe if we learn to accept, then happiness is just around the corner. But if i told you to believe this than i would be a hypocrite. If i have leaned anything in the past year, it is that happiness must be perused, and that no matter the challenge, if happiness is what you want, then you must go and get it no matter the cost.
There were so many times when i was told to stop, when i was told that i had changed, that i wasnt who i used to be, that i needed a break, that i needed to find happiness, that this pain wasnt worth it. I was told out of love that i shouldnt put myself through the heart ache again and again and again, i was told this because all they saw was pain.
But i couldnt stop, i selfishly continued, i persevered, put myself through one of the hardest things anyone should have to put themselves through, and i did it because i knew in my heart i wasnt going to find happiness without knowing that i did all that i could.
And i did do all that i could, and i would do it again and again, if it meant knowing that i would have the happiness that i have found in myself lately.
I want you to know that happiness can be found, that it can be perused. and i want you to know that giving up, believing that happiness is accepting, is not really happiness.
For those of you who are struggling, for those of you who are hurting, i want you to know that it is worth every second of pain. I look back on my earlier days and even now, even though it was only 4 weeks ago, i have forgotten the pain...
I have forgotten those endless nights of crying, and i have forgotten the heart ache, and i have forgotten about all the times i was told to give up, and all the times i wanted to give up - not just on having a baby, but on my life as well. It seems so far in the past right now, all i have to remember it by is my own words.
I dont know who you are, but hold on. No matter how dark the tunnel, there is a light is still shining, and so long as that light is still there, there is hope.
By chance if you are watching someone else suffering, hurting like they have never hurt before, dont tell them to give up, dont add confusion to there turmoil. The people you love, they know where their happiness is, and they are trying to get there... The only thing you can do is hold their hand and tell them you will walk with them through their hardship, and be with them every step of the way. For they are the only ones who will know when enough is enough.
I may have given up a lot, i may have changed who i am, i may never be who i was.... But that is the cost of my happiness, and today if i give one thing, it is to let the world know that happiness must be pursued, no matter the cost.
People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. H. Jackson Browne
