Seventeen Weeks, Four Days. Day 124 in the quest to chase our little miracle
To my dearest little miracle,
Someone asked me this morning where i find my hope. They asked me when hope is all you have left to hold onto, where do you find it? They asked me how when everything was against me, how did i still hold on, how did i not give up…
My miracle, when i was asked these questions, when someone put it to me in words that i have said a thousand times myself before, i didnt know what to say, or where to start.
All i know is that i feel like i have been through it all so that you wont have to. I feel like i have been through it all so that i can appreciate what you truly mean to me, i feel like i have been through it all so that i have answers to these questions that people ask me.
How do you hold on? All i can tell you is how i held on, why i held on, and even now how i hold onto hope.
There is a time of day, first thing, when you walk outside and you look to your left and it is pitch black the moon is shinning, and all the stars are out… But then you look to your right, and there on the horizon is a little glimmer of light, a speckle of orange so bright you cant look at it for longer than a second, that glimmer of light, that is my hope.
As you sit and watch, slowly the glimmer of light gets brighter and brighter, and when you turn to your left there is no more darkness…
Sometimes, that light moves behind clouds and you cant see it anymore, but in time, the clouds part and the rays of light manage to shine through again…
That is my hope. That is why i can go on. Becuase i know that no matter how dark it is on the left hand side of me, i know that soon the light will raise to the right, and take over the darkness.
And if you ever doubt me my miracle, just get out of bed, walk to our front door, peer out and wait, wait for that sun to rise, and once it has, you will have hope.
I know in my heart i can promise you that, because i see it every day.
And my miracle, if someone ever asks you where you find your hope, make sure to tell them to rise out of bed and peer out the front door at the sun on the horizon…
Love from a mother that will be.
To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. Anon
