Eighteen Weeks. Two Days. Day 129 in the quest to meet our little miracle George
There was a time when things were simple, when work was work and home was home. When dreams were of peaceful things and when time was not of the essance.
These days time seems to escape me, i dream of work, i organise my working day as i stand in the shower, and i plan my weekend around getting some work done online.
What have i come too?
Why do i do this?
As i drove to the gym this morning i asked myself why? I told myself no, i cant go on like this, that i need to look after myself more, but i know in my heart my dreams will be filled with torment over unfinished work, i know that my weekend will be spent catching up & i know that no matter what it takes the work will be done.
But why?
What is it about us that makes us go on? That even though there is no end, even though no matter how hard we work, it wont be done, that no matter what, we will continue to push ourselves to our limits?
What is it that is making me work this hard, making me work till i cant stand up, making me work until my eyes wont stay open any longer, making me forget about catching up with friends and family, just to catch up on work?
Why cant i stop?
Part of me says i have no choice, say the work has to be completed, but maybe it is the need to prove myself, to show that i CAN do it, to prove my worth, to stand up and be noticed, to scream out to the world that i am no fool, that i am smarter than you make me out to be, than you assumed, that i shouldnt be dimissed, that i am not the same as an everyday joe blow…
Maybe i want to be noticed, not forgotton.
And a part of me thinks i am scared…
Scared that in 6 months i will leave all i have ever known and start an adventure, where anything can happen, and where day to day routine is not welcome…
Scared that i wont be welcome back, and scared of the unknown… And i have always been scared of the unknown.
This whole adventure has and truly will be the deepest i have ever dove into the unknown… and maybe that is where it all stems from?
The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing. Unknown.
