Twenty Weeks. Six Days. Day 148 in the quest to meet our little miracle George
Today begins the campaign around the world to make people more aware of infertility. To turn what can be sometimes seen as a taboo topic into a “trending” topic, weather it be on twitter or around the dinner table.
When i was hurting, when i cried like i had lost a life, i didnt have many- people to talk to. I couldnt share my lows, i couldnt get excited, i couldnt talk about the things that i wanted to talk about, because no one wanted to hear about that… Family, friends, they only wanted to talk about positive things, they didnt want to hear about injecting, or counting days, or sperm being washed and counted, nor how many eggs where in the dish… They didnt call to hear about my negative results, they didnt want to see my tears after the dreaded phone call from the nurse, they only wanted to know when things went well.
It hurt every day to see facebook updates of people falling pregnant, of parents whining about their children, about nasty comments left because i ‘dared’ to get too personal…
Not many people take the time to understand… And they should. Even now that i am pregnant, i sometimes still feel like no one understands what i went through, why no one wants to hear my story of HOW i fell pregnant, sometimes even now when i bring up infertility and how some of my friends still suffer from it, and even now when i cry for other people because i understand their pain, i get questioned. And it makes me wonder why?
Why are people so ashamed to talk about infertility?
I guess what i am trying to say is…
No matter who you are, no matter where you live, no matter what you believe, there will be someone you know that is suffering. They may hide it, they may not share their pain, but do not let them feel ashamed of it… Be open and understanding, be compassionate, simply offer a hug and an ear, and let them know that you want to understand.
Long ago, in the midst of my suffering i wrote these words…
There is a dark cloud of self pity and loathing hanging around my head and i need to escape it, i need to see the sunshine again, i need to wake from this nightmare once more. I need to know that i am okay, that i will be okay, i need to know that i am not a failure, that i am not alone, i need to know that someones hand is going to reach down any second now and pull me from this deep hole i have dug myself into.
Be that someone who reaches down and pulls a friend out of a dark and scary hole…. Dont be that someone who hands their friend a spade to dig the hole even deeper.
The timeless in you is aware of life’s timelessness; and knows that yesterday is but today’s memory and tomorrow is today’s dream. Kahlil Gibran
