Twenty-Two Weeks. Two Days. Day 158 in the quest to meet our little miracle George
Scared doesnt even begin to describe it…
It is not just me anymore, it is someone else’s life i am responsible for now.
I didnt want to be a hypochondriac and i didnt want to be the girl who over analyzes everything, gets scared at the drop of a pin, scared of everything… But then again i didnt want to be the one that said “if only” or “if only i had”…
The truth is i am scared, and nothing can change that…
Today i woke up and i thought all was better, i thought my faint illness of the past few days had passed, but i was wrong… As the day progressed i felt less and less like myself, less like everything was ok, and more and more like there was something wrong…. Little cramps and niggling back pain overwhelmed my thoughts, i didnt know what to do.
I had to stop and tell myself that it is not just me anymore, there is a life that i need to look out for, so i did what i wasnt quite sure i should do; i went to the hospital.
There is nothing that can be found, tests were done and sent away, and a scan is booked for a week… But other than that, nothing, just rest… Rest…
I overdid it… The life i used to lead needs to be put on hold, i need to stop and think about the person, my child, my miracle, the love of my life, in side of me growing… I need to stop, and i need to slow down.
I must sacrifice and stop, i must get my priorities in order and no matter what the situation, no matter what is on the line for me, i must stop and simply think of george…
It is not just me anymore, it is someone else s life i must look out for first…. Simply because i couldnt imagine this day forward without my little miracle…
Deep in my heart I’m concealing things that I’m longing to say. Scared to confess what I’m feeling – frightened you’ll slip away. From the movie Evita
