Twenty-Three Weeks. Six Days. Day 169 in the quest to meet our little miracle George
How many times last year did i scream out shouting how unfair this world is? How many times did i cry, did my family cry for me because of the pain i went through to get to where i am now?
Too many.
I wish people understood what others go through to have what they take for granted. I just wish there was a way to make people understand.
I am no better than anyone else, and i remember in one of my meetings with the IVF psychologist he asked me if i thought i was better than others, he asked if i thought i deserved children more than anyone else… And at the time i answered no, and still now in my heart the answer is no, but sometimes… sometimes, sometimes my mind says yes…
Two things i saw and heard today, yup in one single day, two things that now i wish i could tell the psychologist about and ask him then if i deserve this more… And maybe i dont deserve it more, i am no better, God created us all as equals, but i know in my heart these things i saw wernt right, and even now it just makes me want to scream!
- The hospital grounds are non smoking, so a meter from the entrance to the grounds you must walk through generally about 10 people in a cloud of smoke… Today as i entered the grounds i saw a pregnant lady smoking… NOT FAIR! Not fair to the child, and not fair to me, who had to walk through the smoke wondering why it took my very well looked after body so long to find my miracle…
- On the news as i waited for the doctor there was a story of a mother out for a drive with her children in the car – she was SIX times the legal limit! And all she got was three years license suspension… PUT HER IN JAIL peoples! That is attempted murder….
Just not fair, just makes you want to scream! And no i am not better than anyone, i am just an ordinary person who makes mistakes, but i know what is wrong and what is right, i know that children deserve better than that and i know that sometimes you have to sacrifice something yourself to do what is right by the little miracles of this world. I just dont understand why others dont see it like that? And i dont understand why good honest people, not only me but people who are my friends, have to see these things and wonder what they did wrong to deserve the pain of infertility?
And even though i am through all that, even though i am on the other side of my pain, it still hurts to see and hear these things, it really does make me want to SCREAM!
ARGH!
Sometimes people don’t hear you until you scream. Stefanie Powers
