Twenty-Seven Weeks, Two Days. Day 193 in the quest to meet our little miracle George, 89 days to go…
I never thought i would feel this way, i never thought that these feelings would be apart of me, but yesterday as i overheard a conversation i was overwhelmed with feelings of envy, self pity that ran through me.
I heard the words that before i was pregnant would have brought me to tears… “She fell pregnant on the first attempt”
Yesterday i was not in tears, i was not upset, i was simply envious, i was hit with self pity… And honestly i wondered where it came from….
I dont know if these are normal feelings, i dont know if this is me being ‘over emotional’ i dont know if these feelings are even right… But they were there.
And i wonder if these sorts of emotions will be there for the rest of my life, if these emotions are permanently fixed into my subconscious, if damage has been done, and cannot be undone.
I know it is no ones fault that i was one of the ‘unlucky ones’ i know that it is no ones fault that others can get pregnant easily and i cant… I know these things…
But for some reason the emotion was there… And honestly, yes i am a little ashamed….
Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own. Harold Coffin
