Twenty-Six Weeks, Four days. Day 188 in the quest to meet our little miracle George, 94 days to go…

I am beginning to wonder if i have turned into “one of those ladies’ you know the ones that over react at everything, the ones that people go “oh not again”

Sometimes i wonder if people think i am making this up, if i am making things worse than they are, if i am worrying for no reason, if i am a truly just a silly billy…

But then i think of what the doctors and nurses say to me each and every time i call… “Better safe than sorry, better peace of mind, better you understand”

I really wish sometimes that this was easier, that i was less paranoid, that i could just shrug my shoulders and say “eh – it will be ok” but i cant – i just cant.  All i think about is what i have been through to get here, what is at stake and the guilt that would forever posses me if something did happen…

I have faith, i hold onto that, but i have to be aware, i have to go with my instincts – no matter if they are wrong, and i have to be sure i am doing the right thing by my little miracle.

Each of the doctors and nurses that have seen me, have said to me that it is ok, that if i am scared that they are only a call away, that they are happy to give me peace of mind, and each time with a sincere smile as well as a look of honestly on their faces. I am lucky, even if i have turned into “one of those crazy ladies” the doctors assure me it is ok and i am glad of that, i am glad they dont treat me as a fool, as an overreacting imbecile…

Because in the end it really is better to be safe than sorry – isnt it?

Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself… ‘How did I get through all of that? Anon

Twenty-Six Weeks, Two days. Day 186 in the quest to meet our little miracle George, 96 days to go…

Say a prayer with me today, please kneel beside me and pray for my george, for the miracle that was given tome, and for the life that slowly grows inside of me.

Dear Lord,

As is your wish i rebuke my fears, and i throw away my doubt.  This is your child inside of me, the miracle you have given to me i treasure with all my heart and soul.  I know that so many months ago i asked for a miracle and i received just that and  tonight as i sit here and cast my fears aside, i ask of you to watch over george, protect my little miracle in my womb, and let it be your will that my george stays put for another 96 days.

I pray that these cramps, that this tightening will ease, and i pray that as the doctors have advised me, that everything will be as it should be.

I ask that i have the courage and strength to provide for my miracle for the next three months, i pray that my body stays true to is purpose and provides all the nutrients and nourishment that my little miracle needs to get through.  I ask also that i know when is the right time to ask for help and to know when is the right time not to worry.

I pray that each day i can be strong, and that each day my miracle grows stronger and stronger.

In Jesus name i pray,

Amen.

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8

Twenty-Six Weeks. Day 184 in the quest to meet our little miracle George, 98 days to go…

Some days i sit here wondering about the friends i have made over the past 250 days, some days i sit here wondering if i have lost some of the friends i made so long ago, and i wonder if the words i write today take me further and further from the people who were always there to support me when i needed it most.

I became part of a group, i found people who understood my pain, understood just why my tears fell.  But then i became one of the lucky ones, i became one of the ones who’s pain would slowly subside, the Lord blessed me with a miracle and i no longer could write about pain, i am still writing about my experience, still trying to convey a story, but this story now takes me away from where i originally began, and i continually wonder about the friends i made so long ago, and if the words i now write are hypocritical… or even hurtful?

I see stories of my other friends like me, given hope, being blessed, but like them, some days as we write, we wonder if what we say is hurting the people who helped us through some of the hardest days of our lives.  Even 26 weeks down the line, with so many posts and so much support behind me, i still worry, i still feel like a hypocrite… Some days i feel like i have lost what i found, lost friends i thought would always be there in one way or another.

I have hope in my heart that some of the friends i have found, no matter what, are true to us, are our support network, and i have hope in my heart that no matter what has happened in their story or in mine, they are still there, because i still want to be there for them, sharing our stories together….

I still need my friends, i still need a support network, because even with everything i have been through, even with everything that is on my side, with all odds in my favor, it is still the scariest journey i have ever had to face, and the truth be told, i still need my ‘people’, still need the ones that know what i am going through, understand what i have been through to get to this point, i cant do this alone, and what better support network than the people who truly understand what i have done for my miracle?

But that leaves me back at where i started, what if those people now find it too hard to be my friend? Too hard to read my story…  Will i make new friends, will this new world be turned upside down? Will eventually my story help others as i so wanted it to?

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.