Thirty -One Weeks, Three Days. 60 days to go…
It is the waiting game again… I guess it is the same waiting game, and i guess that it is as expected but it is still the same waiting game…
Sometimes the most expected of outcomes still makes you feel the same as news that would change everything… Sometimes the most expected outcomes doesnt really reasure you like you had hoped, but mearly steers you on the same path as you were already on…
Which is fine…
However i am the kind of person who likes to know what is what, who likes to know when things are happening, i am the girl who is always on time and who plans things ahead… So for me IVF, the waiting game, and everything associated with the unknown of birth and not being able to plan anything is really starting to freak me out, or rather i should say test my patience…
Todays scan went as expected… George has grown (YEY!) but only 300grms… Which means my little miracle is still in the 10th percentile… Whatever that means… And as expected, i will be scanned in another 2 weeks and we will go from there…
Today as we listened to the doctor explain in that amazing way that all great doctors do, you know the tone that says – dont be to worried, but be concerned enough – i realsied that this time, i am not going to know until i know, that i am going to have to find all the patience i have inside of me, and play this waiting game for just that little bit longer…
My miracle may be taken out early, my miracle may make it to full term, we just have to wait and see… But as the waiting game continues, as the not knowing game continues, it aso takes a step further today… As george is upside down…
I know its not too late, we have until 36 weeks before it becomes a definate decision, before george has to be ‘in position’, but again we were told expected outcomes and again the not knowing continues… This time to whether or not i will or will not be having a c-section… What will be the safest for my little miracle…
I know it will be ok, i know in the end that everything will be ok… I will have a tiny little miracle in my arms and the waiting, the not knowing, it will have all been worth it… I already know in my heart that it is worth it…
But it is a waiting game… A long and windey road….
May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays. Anon
