Thirty Seven Weeks. Four Days. 4 Sleeps to go…
Its too much
It is all too much right now.
I cant do this…. I cant handle this…
I want to be strong, i want to be a better person, but i cant do it.
Right now i have so many emotions running through me, so many emotions taking over me, i just cant handle it.
I want this to be a special time, i want this to be what it should be, exciting, memorable, a dream become reality… But my emotions are taking over and all i feel right now is overwhelmed.
There are so many people that love me, so many people that want to share in my happiness, so many people that just want to hold the child we have wanted for so long in their arms…
But there comes a point where it is all too much, where it becomes more about everyone else than about who it should be. My husband, me and our new child, OUR miracle.
My fears are festering inside of me, i am so excited, yet i am also so scared… Scared of this overwhelming feeling, scared that i have become irrelevant to many people, that this is no longer about my family, no longer about a child that my husband and i have longed for, but about the child that everyone else is so excited about.
I worry that i am but a porn in peoples game, that excitement has overcome common sense, that those i love have forgotten that this is new for me, and that this isnt a natural birth and recovery may take time, that this is a journey that has taken an emotional toll on my husband and i, that we need just a short time together to marvel in the miracle that God has given us, before we share it with the rest of the world.
I think people have forgotten just the journey we went through to get here, and because of that i am terribly overwhelmed.
I pray each of the next four nights for my miracles safe and sound delivery, i pray that my fears diminish, and i pray that in four sleeps time – my husband and i can share a few precious moments alone with the miracle that God has given us to share.
I know in the end it will be ok…
Unless I accept my virtues, I most certainly will be overwhelmed by my faults. Robert Coleman
