Day 5 of my miracles life.
Another day, another milestone. Today begins the journey of our life time, the journey that we have waited with baited breaths for, the journey that we thought may never arrive. Today we take our miracle home, and while many a tears have rolled down my cheeks this week i know in my heart that these tears, these emotions of overwhelming happiness and excitement are real and true.
They say that nothing compares to that first moment you meet your miracle, but I say that second to that, nothing compares to the feeling right now sitting in my hospital bed staring at my miracle knowing that tomorrow her life with my husband and I truly begins.
I know that this is going to be hard, the past four days has taught me that, and I know that after these four days in hospital I don’t know nearly as much as I need to know, I know that in twelve hours time when my little Jennifer is screaming and I don’t know how to calm her that the tears will flow and I will wonder what I am doing and why it couldn’t be easier… I know that, but it still wont take away the happiness of today, the happiness of the knowledge that we made it, that despite the pain, we made it.
I stabbed myself with two needles every day for 14 days. I suffered massive pains in my ovaries as they swelled to the size of grapefruits. I went under aesthetic and had a needle shoved through my vagina wall to have only 5 eggs removed. I waited patiently with hope and faith for 5 days wondering how many of the eggs fertilised and formed into perfect embryo’s, wondering if my little miracle was forming and starting the child my husband and I always longed for. I spent the two weeks before Christmas not waiting in excitement for Santa clause to come but waiting with baited breath, wondering if this ‘one last time’ was going to work…. I cried I hurt I screamed in pain, I wondered why this was worth it, and why I was doing it at all. On Christmas day a river of tears flowed as I assumed it was over and gave up on the last cycle, only to be told that it was not over yet, and only to have to face another 20 days of uncertainty. And when I thought my happiness was to begin, when I found out we were finally pregnant – I spent the next nine months worrying, fearing only the worst, only letting hope come in waves, never truly believing that this was real, always worried to let my self get excited just in case ‘something’ happened, as I knew that if something did I would never be able to recover.
But today, today it is real, today everything in the past year makes sense, everything that we have been through, that has been thrown our way finally has its rainbow at the end of the storm, today I get to walk through my front door as a mother, holding the child I waited for so long for, forgetting the pain, forgetting the past emotional roller coaster of a week, forgetting my doubts, forgetting my fears, and knowing only that the Lord loves me, and that finally I have been blessed with a family…
Finally.
Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself… ‘How did I get through all of that? Anon
