Day 10 in my miracles life
I feel like a cow.
I feel like i cant keep up. I feel like a terrible mother.
They say boob is best, they drill it into you… But what if every time you try it just ends in tears for both mother and baby?
What if each time the pain is so unbearable you just cant keep going?
What if no matter how hard you try, it just doesnt seem to work?
Am i ruining my ‘bond’ between my baby and me? Is wanting to give up so wrong? Is expressing and bottle feeding the worst thing in the world?
I am trying with everything i have in me to persevere, i am trying so hard to make this work, but each time i try – i fail… The tears come, and i feel like a terrible mother – i feel like i have failed my child at only 10 days old. I feel like… I dont know, i just dont know.
I ask for help, i ask the people who are there for assistance, but i am doing all that they have said, im trying all their methods, and still the pain is unbearable, still i feel like i cant keep up, like i am failing, like i cant get it right, like ill never be able to learn.
Even when there is a good latch, when i have a good feed, when all goes well and i feel over the moon, the next feed fails… And i feel like i go one step forward and ten steps backward… Like the fails outweigh the wins…
And i really just want the wins to out weigh the fails.
What do i do? Where do i go from here? How do i keep persevering? How do i know what is best for my precious baby?
The only real failure in life is the failure to try. Anon
