Day 93 in my miracles life
It is not often that i sit back and reflect on the decisions i have made in life, and that is mostly because i choose not to live in regret. But this morning as i looked at all the baby bottles stacked up in the sterilizer i thought back to a few months ago, the pain i was experiencing and the emotional turmoil i put myself through.
As i looked at that sterilizer i realized i was no longer consumed with feeding, i was no longer consumed with the thought of feeding, and i realised that it no longer bothered me or stressed me out to feed my child.
Some days i still feel guilt for not sticking with breast feeding, some days i read stories of women breastfeeding, i see women breastfeeding and i feel envious and wish that that could be me, that i could have ‘loved’ it, that i could have been comfortable with it, that it could have come naturally to me… But it didnt – it was a painful struggle each day for the first month of my miracles life, and today as i look at the empty bottles i realise that switching to formula was the best decision i could have made for me.
The best decision i could have made for George and my relationship.
Each day now, instead of worrying about feeding, instead of planning the days around feed times, i spend my days playing with my daughter, laughing with her, cuddling her when she is sad, making her smile, watching our favorite shows, reading our favorite books…
Each day now we have fun, and as i looked at those silly bottles this morning i smile to myself and know in my heart that i did the right thing…
