Day 154 in my miracles life
I am very blessed. Period. Yes i struggled to get to where i am today, but ultimately i am undeniably blessed. I have been reading a lot of my online friends discussions and even some of my ‘real life’ friends have been talking about going back to work, i knew i would have to think about it one day and i knew that i would have to one day realise that money doesnt grow on trees (why not god dam it?) and that means i one day will have to go back to work, but i never thought that i might actaully want to go back to work, and i never really thought i would be thinking about it so soon.
Lately i have been thinking about work, thinking about calling my boss to arrange what may or may not be possible for my return, and thinking so much about if it is really what i want to do or if it is something i have to do. And i am honestly not sure.
A part of me wants to go back to work for the interaction and routine, for a sense of accomplishment each day, for my own metal state, and of course for some much needed cash (bloomin floods upping the price of vegetables! Who pays $7.00 for a cauliflower? Well i do because it is on the vegetable yes list!) But another part of me is scared – so scared to leave my little miracle in someone elses care.
To give you an idea, i really struggle leaving george even with my husband for an hour when i go to the gym, how on earth would i cope for a whole day? A WHOLE DAY? Now i know that there will come a point where i do not have a choice and i must go back to work, but in my mind i am thinking that if i can go back just a little each week, if i can just get a little extra cash each week, then the savings that we have MAY be able to last until my little one is ready to go to school… Therefore i would, in the long term, be able to spent more time with george – rather than spending six more months with no work and having to go back full time as we would have no money left….
I dont know!
I know i am blessed because i have already had six months with my little one, but weeellll she is just getting a real personality, she is just learning to roll and sit, and i cant imagine the pain i would feel if my mother in law rang me and said that she learned to walk while i was away working…
Oh what to do, what to do, what on earth to do?!?!?
