2011 February

Good Baby Bad Baby

February 28, 2011 0 Comments

Day 188 in my miracles life

My question is:: Do we have good babies and bad babies or are our babies behaviors a reflection of who we are as parents?

WHY do i ask?

There are not many times as a parent, as a mother, that you get praise. No one says thank you for doing the washing, no one really cares that you spent two hours scrubbing the bathroom and consequently you have to smell bleach on you all day long, no one goes ‘wow’ when your baby begins holding her own bottle so now you can feed a baby, watch tv, one handily type a blog AND think about dinner ALL at the same time… No one notices you day in and day out working on your babies routine, changing it up to suit the babies needs making sure she knows when its nap time & when its dinner time… No one SEES you doing that…

So when you go out, when i go out, and my beautiful babe follows her routine, when she doesnt fuss, when she is happy being held… Is that because she is a good baby or because i have spent time adapting her to a routine?

I am not saying that mothers and parents who dont do the routine thing arnt fantiastic parents or that their babies arnt ‘good’ babies… Nor am i saying that my babe doesnt have ‘bad’ days – take last friday, she screamed the WHOLE day, yes the WHOLE day – I am simply wondering if their behaviour is a reflection on us?

And i guess it comes from the constant stream of people telling me i have a ‘good’ baby. I know i am blessed, I know that she sleeps though the night that she is easy to feed, that she rarely cries, that she smiles and giggles. that she plays well, that she is happy in her pram, that she settles when i comfort her, that she goes to bed with little fuss (most nights) but is that because she is a ‘good’ baby, or because i have helped her to fall into a routine that suits her, because i followed a book that suggested ways to slowly teach my child how to sleep through the night?

Each time i am told i have a ‘good’ baby a little piece of me crumbles inside. No one tells me i am a ‘good’ parent, i dont expect it, but i wonder if i hadnt followed routines from the start, if i didnt constantly work on changing things around to suit her needs, if i didnt blog hop trying to read up on other mothers and parents experiences, if i didnt spend time asking the questions i did on twitter… Would she still be such a ‘good’ baby?

And while i ask the question… Is there such a thing as a ‘bad’ baby or for that matter a ‘bad’ parent?

Filed Under: My Miracles Life Begins, Six to Nine Months

I missed you…

February 24, 2011 0 Comments

Day 184 in my miracles life

To my dearest little miracle,

I missed you. I missed you more than words can ever say and i missed you more than i ever imagined i would or i could miss one little human being.

My precious baby girl, i know i tell you this much to often, and i know that by the time you understand my letter you will be sick of my words, but my beautiful i love you from so deep within it hurts. I never knew i could love someone so much, and i never knew that this sort of feeling could be possible – but it is, and nothing could make me be more happy to be alive than this feeling i have inside.

I want you to know that each day i spend with you is precious, and i want you to know that each day i stare into your big blue eyes i dream of the future and i dream of the beautiful girl you will turn into. I dream of all the things i never had with my own mother and i dream of things greater than that, of spoiling you until you cant take it anymore, of smuggeling you until you tell me to stop, and of loving you for all eternity.

Ive said this before and ill say it again, if i held your hand too tight when we crossed the road – its because i wanted nothing more than to protect you, if i fussed over your hair too much – it is only beacuse i couldnt believe i helped create that hair, if i kissed you too much, if i hugged you too much, if i starred at you too long and if i loved you too much – it was all because i just wanted the best for you, and it was all because there is nothing else on this earth i wanted more than for your happiness, and it is all because i have seen far too much pain in my own life, felt too much pain in my own life that i never want to see you have to face.

My little miracle girl, i missed you yesterday, and i know that each day i spend away from you i will miss you just as much.

With every ounce of love that is inside of me…

Love from a mother that is and always will be.

Filed Under: My Miracles Life Begins, Six to Nine Months, To my miracle

As The Weeks Go By… 26 Weeks

February 23, 2011 0 Comments

Day 183 in my miracles life

There is a love inside of me i never knew could exist, a love that runs so deep i dont think i will ever understand it, a love that grows fonder each time i dare to turn away for just a moment…. A love inside so deep for just one little girl, my girl, my miracle.

Filed Under: As The Weeks Go By..., My Miracles Life Begins, Six to Nine Months

I dont know if i can do this…

February 22, 2011 0 Comments

Day 182 in my miracles life

The time has come, but i dont know if i can do it….

I thought i was ready, but maybe i am not…

I have to be ready, i have to go back, but tonight, the night before i go back to work i am scared.

I am scared that my routine will go unread & that my baby will be confused, i am worried that my wishes will go unheard and the things that i want for my daughter will go unnoticed.

I know i am paranoid, and i know that one day wont hurt… But with all that i went through, with all the hurt and pain i suffered to get to this point of happiness, to get to the point of having a miracle in my arms…. Im just scared..

Scared that something will happen when i am gone, scared that i wont be the one there for my precious miracle… Just scared because i havent left her with anyone but my husband before, scared because the longest she has been away from me is but a couple of hours…

Scared because i know in my heart that i have to be able to handle it, that it has to be ok, and that no matter what the time has come where i need to go back to work and help to support this family so that we can have all we dreamed of having.

*sigh*

Filed Under: My Miracles Life Begins, Six to Nine Months

Balsamic Chicken with Roast Capsicum & Chickpeas

February 20, 2011 0 Comments

This has to be one of my favorite meals to make. Husband loves it (except the capsicum, i take that out of his) family love it… Plus you can add pretty much whatever you like to it, change the meat, add avocado, put sun dried tomatoes in it, you like it – chuck it in – just remember its all about the dressing

Balsamic Chicken Salad

Stuff you’ll need

Stuff you will need

Purple onion, chunky diced
Garlic, sliced
Chickpeas
Mixed lettuce leaves
Feta cheese, chunky cubed (i use low fat greek – make sure the one you choose is a little bit hard – dont use the soft kind)
Cucumber, sliced
Chicken breast
Cornflour
Balsamic glaze (not balsamic vinegar, must be the glaze, its thick and its sweet and its all kinds of naughty for you)
Olive oil

How i did it

Cut the chicken into thin strips / slices and coat with cornflour salt & pepper- just enough flour to cover the chicken dont overdo it.

Chuck the chicken into the cornflour with salt & pepper

Set aside till later. Cut the capsicum, i just used one side as i was the only one eating – add more the more people you have. Slice some garlic – if you dont like garlic just leave this one out, if you love it slice as little or as much as you can handle – i LOVE garlic so i had three cloves today.

Some Capsicum

Some Garlic

Into a pan

Place the garlic and capsicum on a tray and place under the grill – make sure you keep a close eye on it or it will burn (trust me ive done it on many occasions!)

While the capsicum and garlic is grilling chuck some oil, balsamic glaze and chilli sauce if you like a bit of spice into the bottom of a bowl.

Oil, Balsamic Glaze & Chilli Sauce

Mix the dressing and swish it around the bowl.

Swish, swish, swish

Chuck in some lettuce leaves and sliced cucumber – now here is the important bit, if you dont do this then there is no point making the salad – honestly! Mix through the dressing with your hands… yes your hands, use your hands (please make sure they are clean!) by using your hands you make sure the dressing is all over the lettuce and cucumber, this is what makes it SUPER yummy!

Lettuce & Cucumber

Yes, yes you really must use your hands

Place salad on a plate and set that aside (oh but make sure you dont leave it too long, you have to dress the salad then cook the chicken right away or the lettuce leaves go soggy – ewwwwww) oh and while your doing that make sure you check up on that capsicum.

Anywho, chuck some oil in a pan on the heat and fry off the onion and chickpeas, once the onion is softish and the chickpeas have some colour, place them under the oven grill with the capsicum which you have not burned.

Into the pan & under the grill

Get the pan hot again and put some more oil in there, fry the chicken off – you might have to do in batches, you want it to be crispy not soggy.

Frying chicken

Once the chicken is cooked get the capsicum, onions and chickpeas out of the oven. Slice the capsicum and set aside with the garlic that should have roasted nicely together, then chuck the onion and chickpeas into the pan with the chicken and get the temprature up high again,

It all happens in an instant!

then in an instant squeeze some of that balsamic glaze over the chicken and toss around. The glaze will coat and stick to the chicken and chickpeas and make them all kinds of yummy yummy in my (your) tummy.

Its happening!

Turn off the heat then in an instant – and i mean an instant, place the feta cheese chunks into the pan remove from the heat and toss through the balsamicy chickeny chickpea goodness,

Be sure that its happening quickly!

then use some tongs and place on top of the lettuce / cucumber, then place the capsicum and garlic on top of the salad and…. Enjoy!

Oh this image just makes me want to eat it all over again!

Oh and if your anything like me you will very much enjoy the salad… Just remember – A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips (& the belly)!

Nomnomnom...

oh dear, yes that is MY belly pouching out!

Filed Under: Cooking, Savory

“I dont want to die”

February 20, 2011 0 Comments

Day 180 in my miracles life

Last night i cried, i cried once again harder than i have cried in a long time. I cried because i was lonely and i cried because i was scared, i cried because all i could think in the back of my mind was that it would be ok if only i had a mother to talk to. Once again i let myself cry, i let the weaker version of myself out, and i cried over something i have no control over, i let myself cry over something that sometimes i feel i should have finished crying over a long time ago.

Yesterday my sister sent me a copy of a page from my mothers journel, and there were just three words that cut me so deep, three words that i guess i never ever imagined my mother to say.

“I dont want to die”

She knew it was coming, she knew what was inevitable, she knew she had no control over it, but still my mother was scared. My mother was scared. Mothers arnt meant to be scared, mothers arnt meant to have to say that all they want is to see their daughters grow up, to grow old with the man they loved, mothers are meant to be strong, appear strong, be the stronger version of who we are, my mother to me is meant to be the stronger version of who i am.

I always saw my mother as a rock, she appeared to me as the pillar of strength, as someone who was unbreakable, but yesterday i learned that i was wrong, so very very wrong. Just like anyone, just like me, she cried, and i wonder just how much she cried, i wonder just how much she hurt, and i wonder just how much it broke her heart to have to put those words on that piece of paper “They need me, i need them. I want to live”

I am learning that maybe my mother was more like me than i realised, or maybe that i am more like my mother than i realised, i am learning that whilst we may appear strong, and whilst others may think we have it all together, we dont – and honestly that is ok, it is ok sometimes not to be strong, and it is ok sometimes to be weak, to have a moment of weakness, to express how we really feel inside, to let it out, to write it down, so that one day our daughters may read it and feel in an instant that they are not really alone, because unexpectedly out of nowhere they learn that their mother loved them so much that she wrote on a peice of paper…

“I dont want to die, i want to see the girls grow up, to see them as women, maybe with husbands and children of their own…”

I sit here and wonder what she would be thinking now, of me with my husband and my precious miracle baby…?

Please donate to help research a cure for Breast Cancer by SPONSORING us in the Mothers Day Classic

Filed Under: My Miracles Life Begins, Six to Nine Months, We Run For Mum

My Little Miss V My Little Princess

February 17, 2011 0 Comments

Day 178 in my miracles life

Thats not your toy little miss!

Huston we have a problem… Ok so not a huge problem, may not even really be a problem… Ok huston we simply have a little bit of an over protective / over worrying parent on our hands (im referring to me by the way)

Just over 12 months ago, just when we thought our ‘one last time’ IVF round had failed, we bought a puppy… The sweetest little dachshund, and boy was she loved! Boy is she still loved so much! Anywho she is our little miss, we adore her, we spoil her – heck she sleeps in the bed with us each night…

When we first brought George home poor little miss was ignored by

How do you say no to a face like that?

me for the first month or so – i had no idea how to handle a puppy AND a new baby… Over the weeks i became acustom to the puppy and the baby and had more time for both, the puppy stayed away from the baby and everyone was happy…. UNTIL… hmmm about last week, maybe the week before, where my little princess baby leaned that the puppy is interesting and that the puppy plays back… Which is fine, just fine – i think…

You see my little princess is learning to grab, and just as she grabs on to my skin folds she grabs on to

I want to play!

the puppys skin folds, she grabs onto the puppys face, the puppys long ears, and the puppys paws… Now at the moment it doesnt seem to bother my little miss – the puppy – but i am really worried that one day when i turn away for a second, the puppy is going to turn on my baby because the little princess pulled on the little miss too hard…

Now, i also have to tell you, that my little miss LOVES the little princess as well, my puppy cant wait to ‘play’ with geroge when i put her down on the mat – once again, nothing is simple, my little puppy

Its just so much fun!

shows love with licks – thats just her breed, we have tried to stop it, but like i mentioned – thats the breed and their way of showing affection, little miss licks us all the time! So my worry is – and yes i think i may be a little paranoid – should i be worried about the licks, is dog licks bad for a babys face? And should i be worried about the interaction between the two ‘children’ or should i encourage it?

I would love to hear from other pet / small dog owners and how they handled new babies and their much loved puppies or pets…?

Filed Under: My Miracles Life Begins, Six to Nine Months

As The Weeks Go By… 25 Weeks

February 16, 2011 0 Comments

Day 176 in my miracles life

I’ve heard that it’s possible to grow up – I’ve just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope – against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope… Greys Anatomy

Filed Under: As The Weeks Go By..., My Miracles Life Begins, Six to Nine Months

Will you be my Valentine?

February 14, 2011 0 Comments

Day 174 in my miracles life

When we were young, when we first meet it was easy, my heart instantly fell for you and my mind instantly couldnt imagine a life that you were not part of. We laughed until we cried, when i cried you made me laugh, we talked until the sun rose, we didnt want anything else but to be in our own company…

We were young and in love – so in love…

As the time ticked on and as the years flew by i cant say that it all was perfect, and i cant say that it was all like a fairytale romance because throughout the years we struggled. We struggled through poverty, we have struggled through injury, we have hurt in places that no couple should ever have to hurt from, we have yelled, we have screamed, you have hurt me, i have hurt you, you have cried, i have cried, and yet no matter how many times i have hated you and you have hated me, we are still together, we are still a couple. Somehow through all that God has thrown our way, somehow through the pain that we have suffered through, somehow we are still together, and somehow i still love you more that i know how to tell you.

You were the first man to ever tell me he loved me, and you have to be the only man on this planet who is strong enough to handle me. When i was sobbing on the bathroom floor, you pulled me up, when i punched my fist and told you i wanted to die, you held me tight, when i yelled at you for being so selfish – you still stood by me, when i scream at you, when i pushed you away – you still stood by me, you stand by me, no matter what we go through, no matter what i say to you, you stand by me – and for that i love you more than anything on this earth.

Three years ago when we married, when i walked toward you, when you took my hands, we had no idea what was in store for us, and we had no idea just how much we would be tested as a couple, but today, on the only valentines day i have ever really thought twice about, i want you to know that it was all worth it.

I want you to know that no matter what we went through, no matter how much we both hurt, and how much we have both hated each other, no matter how much i yell and how many times you walk away from me, no matter how imperfect this relationship is – we are still together, and i know in my heart that means more than any expensive bunch of flowers, any box of choclates, more than any present, or any showing of love could ever mean to me. I know that because of what we have been through together, i know that because of the past ten years we have shared, i know that we can withstand anything.

I am in love with you, everything about you, and as i said three years ago on the 09-09-07

“I give you my hand, my heart, and all of my love”

Happy Valentines Day, i cant wait to share the rest of my life with you and our beautiful daughter.

Filed Under: My Miracles Life Begins, Six to Nine Months

It gives me the irrates when….

February 11, 2011 0 Comments

Day 171 in my miracles life

Life is a puzzle to me, there are so many things that make me so happy, i wake in the morning and most days – like today – my precious little babe just looks up at me and smiles for no other reason than because i entered the room, but sometimes the days are filled with the smallest of things, the simplest of things that really get under your skin – know what i mean?

The little things that just really give you the irrates when they happen…

Like when it is so hot that the sweat beads on your upper lip

like when the gym is late to open

When my husband leaves skid marks on the toilet, actually i also hate that he leaves the seat up ALL the time – as does his son

And when you wake up tired even when you thought you had a good nights sleep

When people – old ladies in particular – come over to you in the store and tell you that your baby needs to be wearing socks, or that her feet are cold when they are not… I do know when my babies feet need covering and when she is content without socks on…

It really irritates me that you have to look at yourself when you do a workout, why is it that they put mirrors in front of you?

When i get distracted when cooking and end up burning it!

It REALLY gives me the irrates when the fuel light goes on but you really cant be bothered to fill up… How much further DO you have when the light goes on anyway?

And when people say things like “I feel your pain” or “I totally understand” when they have no idea what you are going through, when they have never them selves experienced the type of pain you are dealing with

Or the most irritating thing of all that just keeps happening to me…

When you go to do something but for the life of you you cant remember what it is you were going to do!

Filed Under: My Miracles Life Begins, Three to Six Months