Day 198 in my miracles life
Day 5 Dairy free
THE ROAD OF LIFE
When driving down the road of life, rarely do you know how good you have it until you see it in the rear view mirror.
As The Weeks Go By… 28 Weeks
March 9, 2011 0 Comments
Day 197 in my miracles life
Day 4 Dairy free
A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love. Max Muller
19 Days… Risk
March 8, 2011 0 Comments
Day 196 in my miracles life
Day 3 Dairy free
RISK
To laugh is to risk appearing a fool, to weep is to risk being called sentimental, to reach out to another is to risk involvement, to expose feelings is to risk showing your true self, to place your ideas and your dreams before a crowd is to risk being call naive, to love is to risk not being loved in return, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk despair, to try is to risk failure…
But the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing, the person who risks nothing, is nothing and becomes nothing, only the person who risks is truly free…
20 Days… A Little Secret
March 7, 2011 0 Comments
Day 195 in my miracles life
Day 2 Dairy free
Yesterday was harder than i expected. For some reason when you say no it seems you start to crave the things you are saying no to, even though it doesnt make sense that after only one day i would be wanting those things… Adverts on tv for breakfast cereal with milk were driving me crazy, watching a movie where the character held a coffee almost turned me insane – and the silly part is, i dont like cereal, i dont normally have a coffee at 4pm in the afternoon… It really is amazing what the power of the word no has on your mind.
On a brighter note – I dont mind an espresso coffee without the milk…
A LITTLE SECRET
Repeated frustrations and disappointments are always a reflection of repeated misunderstandings and presumptions…
21 Days and counting…
March 6, 2011 0 Comments
Day 194 in my miracles life
Day 1 Dairy free
STRENGTH
Sometimes, when you’re feeling your lowest, the real you is summoned and you understand, for the first time ever how grand you are because you discover that vulnerable doesn’t mean lacking in beauty and uncertainty doesn’t mean that you are lost. These realisations alone will set you on a journey that will take you far beyond what you used to think of as extraordinary.
There is always a bright side
21 Days…
March 5, 2011 0 Comments
Day 193 in my miracles life
As i rub my tongue along my teeth i taste the last crumb of cake that will pass through my lips for at least 21 days…
Tomorrow is day one of what i am going to call my 21 day experiment.
I have decided to go dairy free for 21 days. 21 days because it takes 21 days to start a habit, 21 days to break the bad habit of baking and eating sweets each and every weekend, 21 days because i believe that in 21 days i will know if dairy really is the culprit behind my stomach churning and bloating, 21 days because i know that in my mind 21 days is doable, that 21 days i can withstand, and that 21 days is a countdownable amount…
Tomorrow begins day one of what will hopefully be the final 21 days, the final 4 kilos and the final couple of percent fat loss in my weight loss journey, tomorrow begins day one…
Wish me luck… That cake was really good 
As The Weeks Go By… 27 Weeks
March 2, 2011 0 Comments
Day 190 in my miracles life
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. Buddha
The Time Has Come… A decision must be made!
March 1, 2011 0 Comments
Day 189 in my miracles life
Yesterday i got a letter in the post.
The last letter i can remember receiving in the post was on August 3, 2010 it was by far the best letter i have ever received in my life time, and nothing in this world could ever beat the feelings inside i got from opening that single letter – i will never forget the day i opened that letter.
There is a funny feeling inside when you collect the post, sift through all the envelopes you know are bills and find something addressed to yourself that you know is not a bill. Something unexpected. It is not hand written – so you know it is not a card, it is not something you have requested – so you know its not a catalogue… You cant wait to open it, curiosity takes over, so you stop at the front of your home and you open that letter, and you read it as you walk slowly back to the house.
I knew it was coming, my husband and i have discussed it often, but when it comes… It makes the decision so much more real, so much more scary, it makes you rethink a decision you thought you already had the answer to.
And consequently, i dont know how i feel anymore, i cant make up my mind, i dont know what i want.
The letter was in fact a bill.
An amount to be paid if we want to keep our embryos on ice. A storage fee. And a heart wrenching question hidden behind a simple figure…
And now i dont know what to do.
I dont want another child, maybe to you that sounds selfish – but to me its a choice, a decision i made long ago. I dont want to go through IVF again, i dont want to go through the heart wrenching pain i went through & i dont want to put thousands of dollars into something that may completely destroy the soul i have just discovered, the soul i have just spent six months finding again.
I love my miracle, but inside i feel that if i venture on the quest for another, i will forget how thankful i am for her, i will forget just how precious she is to me, and inside seep sown i am so scared that if i decide to have another child – i wont be able to give up, i wont know when to stop, that i will become the person i have finally just let of.
But somewhere deep inside i dont know if i can ‘dispose’ of my embryos, simply because they are a part of me, they are what ‘could be’ a child of mine, and somewhere deep inside i feel that if i let go of these embryos i will be a killer, a murder, the person who wanted to be a mother so bad yet she is happy just to dispose of her embabies…. A hypocrite.
So now i dont know what to do, i know what i want to do – but i dont know if i have the heart to do it.
