Day 257 in my miracles life
It is done. The decision has been made, and the paper work has been signed, all there is too it now is a stamp.
I am just not quite sure if i will have enough courage to buy that stamp and place the letter in the post.
Last night my husband and i signed the paper work to dispose of our remaining 3
embryos.
I wish there was a way in words to explain the emotions that are running through my mind, but the only word that comes to me is empty.
I feel empty, i feel like i have decided to throw away my babies, i feel like…. I dont know, i just feel empty.
Empty. Not sad, not happy, no tears, nothing, just empty.
I have thought about this for months, we have talked about this, for what seems like an eternity, i have put it off for as long as i can, but each time i think about it, each time we talk about it, the answer is the same. Dispose of the embryos.
I know in my heart it is the right thing, i know deep down inside i cant, i just cant go through what i went through again, and i know i cant donate them knowing that i would spend each day wondering ‘what if’ – i know that, but i still feel empty, it still feels hollow, it just feels like i am saying goodbye to three little circles of hope…
It feels like the end of a journey that is so much a part of me i cant let it go.
