Day 355 in my miracles life
I know that there is never a time when we arnt learning, that even as adults we learn the importance of things daily, and i understand that different peoples life experiences lead to placing different levels of importance on different things, but sometimes it really shocks me as to the value in life some people place on money and things.
I have been through many heart breaking events in my lifetime, i have felt what it is like to suffer from so far within, hurt from places that most people dont even know exist, i understand that maybe it is easier for me to see things in a different light, to appreciate the things that i do have rather than desiring what i dont have… But sometimes it still really really puzzles and annoys me that everyday i see people i love so much placing so much value on things and in money.
Why do people look at other people and wish they earned as much as them, why do people look at a man who earns $250,000 a year but has no family, no life, nothing but possessions and see that they are successful? Why do people see someone who has a fast car or two as better – simply because they can afford it? What is it that makes people want more and more and more forgetting what they have?
I guess i know it is just the way life is, and i know that i cant change the world, but i wish in part that the people i love, the people that surround me could jsut understand that what they have is everything.
I was part of a conversation over the weekend when it really hit home for me. My beautiful sister in law and mother in law talking about the new babies room and the spare room beside set up just right for my MIL to stay and help with the baby… It was perfect seeing them talking about the magic of a new baby and the plans for mother and daughter to come together and celebrate new life, mother helping daughter just as it should be… But it was then that the jealousy hit me – i dont have that and i never will. I have family that would do anything for me, but i will never have that….
I will never have the relationship a daughter has with her mother, i dont remember what it is like to have a mothers love. And i write this not to be felt sorry for, not for the ‘poor you’ comments, nothing like that, it just makes me think that for that moment that i was a part of over the weekend for that simple second of a mother being excited for a daughters new baby, for a mother to want to give up everything for her daughter… For that moment – i would give everything i own up.
I would live on the streets if it meant that i could have known my mother. I would pass over my car, my savings, my tv, my books, everything that was a possession i would give up, just to have that moment, just to have a relationship with my mother, or even just to keep the people i hold dear to my heart in my life…
To have my husband and my baby with me and in love with me until the day i die, to keep the family i do have safe and from illness, to keep those people that the ones i love love safe from harm and illness… I would give anything that was a ‘thing’ up in a heart beat.
Yes i have been through a lot more than others, infertility really brought true to me what was important in this life time… Being a mother has really reminded me what is important to me. But it still puzzles me why others just cant see it… Why still after so long, why is it that the people that surround me are still so concerned with money and things?
Why so many people cant see that a simple hug from someone you love is so much better than anything that could be bought?
