Day 400 in my miracles life
Number 2
I have come to realise that a selfless act doesnt have to be a grand act…. Just something from the heart, for someone you love or care about…. Something that makes someone smile….
I hope i have achieved that today 
There is a saying i tell myself every time i am tempted by yummy food… It goes along the lines of::
Nothing ever tastes as good as being healthy feels
WELL SCREW IT PEOPLES! Cause this recipe IS worth it! SO TOTALLY WORTH IT! OMG throw all your other cookie recipes out and just use this one… DO IT NOW!
So i totally stole the recipe from here, but added more chocolate, yes MORE chocolate!
Stuff you’ll need
How i did it
Melt the butter in a small heavy-bottom saucepan over medium heat. Cook slowly until browned, about five minutes. Set aside and cool. Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda. Pour the melted butter in the bowl of a stand mixer. Add the sugars and beat on medium speed until creamy. Add the egg, egg yolk, milk and vanilla extract. Beat until well combined. Slowly incorporate the flour mixture until thoroughly combined. Stir in all of the chocolate and just as the recipe says, try not to eat ALL of the dough!
Place in a lined shallow dish and bake in a moderate oven for about 20 minutes… If it is getting to brown on the edges make sure you cover it with some foil… Once cooked let cool in the dish, then remove and slice… Oh and i have no idea how long they would last because they didnt even make it into an air tight container in this house!!
Day 399 in my miracles life
I keep searching and searching for something that i will never find, or maybe that i am just not ready to find yet… I am so used to living with a goal, so used to knowing what i am heading toward that the unknown of the future scares me to death… Is the source of my depression, my trigger yesterday.
So its not a long long term goal, but it is a goal, something for me to focus on over the next 18 days….
I want to, no i WILL break the binge habit, and on my 29th birthday i WILL love the reflection i see when i stand in my bathers in front of the mirror…
It will be one year after i took this image…
I was 73kg and 29% fat…
In 18 days my goal is to be 58kg and 18% fat
I want so desperately to achieve number 21 on my 30 before 30, and while i KNOW it is not what is on the outside, i also know that my bad binging habit is something that needs to be broken, that cant be passed onto my baby girl…
Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of. Proverb
Day 398 in my miracles life
There is one order of beauty which seems made to turn heads. It is a beauty like that of kittens, or very small downy ducks making gentle rippling noises with their soft bills, or babies just beginning to toddle. T.S. Eliot
Round and round it goes…
I am high
I am low
I have endless hope yet i live in a world of dispair…
High and low, high and low
There are smiles then there are tears
There is no in between – just high and low, high and low
I dont know what i want or who i am, yet seconds later i know exactly who i am and what i think i want.
I dont know, i dont know, i just dont know
I want to know where i am going
I want to know what the future holds
I am so desperately searching that any answer will do…
But in my heart i know that there is no answer, so around and around it goes again.
When will it end? When will i be whole?
Why me, why now…
High and low, so high then so low…
I hope tomorrow will be a better day.
Day 397 in my miracles life
Why am i doing this? Read it here….
Sometimes i think that one simple thing can count for more than a thousand complicated and well thought out things that someone may do for you… So this week i am only writing one because it meant more to me than i think my sweet man will ever realise…
Nobody knows you as well as our spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met. Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare
It’s a boy!
And how do you celebrate a beautiful baby boy? You bake him a cake while he is in his mummy’s belly of course! I had the amazing pleasure of baking for my sister in law’s baby shower over the weekend, and as one of my 30 before 30 recipes i decided to bake the baby boy a blue velvet cake, that’s right, not a red velvet cake but a BLUE Velvet cake! & boy oh boy oh blue, was is yummy…. Oh and you knew who had been eating the cake because we all ended up with blue mouths from eating it!
Stuff you’ll need
How i did it
Preheat oven to 180 degrees. Grease and line a deep bake dish. Lightly stir eggs in a medium bowl with a wire whisk. Add remaining liquid ingredients and stir together with whisk until blended. Set aside.
Place all the dry ingredients in your mixing bowl and stir together really good with another wire whisk.
Add wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix on medium-high for about a minute or until completely combined.
Pour into cake pan and then drop the pans on the counter a few times to release any air bubbles.
Bake for about 45 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. After about 1/2 an hour i covered the top with foil so as not to over cook / burn the top.
After about ten minutes, remove from pan and wrap in glad, place in the freezer for at least 2 hours or until quite cold.
To make the icing sift sugar and set aside. Beat cream cheese and butter on high until creamy. Add vanilla. Then, add the sugar in batches. Scrape down the sides in between each addition. Remove and unwrap the cake from the freezer and cut in half, then ice the layers, and if you want a little more decortion, sprinkle some blue sprinkles on top…
Place in the fridge for the icing to set and eat away!
Day 396 in my miracles life
I guess i thought once i was on anti depressants that it would just get easier and easier and i guess now that i think about it i never expected it to still be hard some days. But it is.
It is a fight, a constant fight against my mind and will.
There are good days, there are great days, there are days when i feel like the world has an ocean of possibilities for me like i could do anything…
And then there are mondays… Where i feel guilty for over eating on the weekend, where i feel torn between my great ideas and actually putting them into place, almost like mondays are the days where i stop my dreams becoming reality, where i sit down and wonder why i cant restrain myself from over eating on the weekends and why im not good enough for myself…
Why is it a constant battle? Why cant i just dream the dream and have the courage to put it into place?
What is holding me back?
And why oh why oh why do i always over eat on the weekends? Maybe mondays would simply be better if i could eliminate the negative feelings i feel when i over eat… Or more simply – if i could just stop myself from over eating….
As a tear rolls down my cheek i sit here and remember the smell and soft feel of the woman who gave me life…. Today i miss her and no matter how many years pass i will always remember the love my mother had for me – the true love of a mother for a daughter.
Mum i miss you, i miss you more than you will ever know.
Day 391 in my miracles life
For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it. Ivan Panin
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