Now i am not normally the type to get so carried away in jokes, but this one came past me today and honestly i let out the biggest giggle you have ever heard... And i thought that it was too good to pass up!

Making A Baby

The Patels were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Patel kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to....'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Patel cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer.. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Patel.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Patel quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Patel exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Patel.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Patel, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Patel leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Patel fainted

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. Bill Cosby

I am in the middle of it...

Yes that is right, i am right smack bang in the middle of the stage when all the symptoms you once wished for come raining down... Honestly it is making me feel like i am in the center of a washing machine on super spin.

I am blessed i truly am, and each time i feel like it is too much, i thank the Lord for all the symptoms i am feeling...

But the one that has me puzzled, the one that really fascinates me, and the one that i can never seem to remember to keep my mouth shut about is smell...

Yes that is right, like all pregnant woman out there i have super smell, sometimes it is ok,  but lately, argh - i can smell EVERYTHING!

So my husband comes home last night, and i couldnt even give him a hug cause he smelt so bad... so he showered... came in for the kill, and yes you guessed it, i turned away for fear of vomiting on my husband... (but dont worry i didnt, like most times i just did the "vomit a little in my mouth and swallow it" thing)

It gets worse..

My poor husband then decided to cook me dinner, fish and salad...

First the fish cooking sent me to another room, then he was cooking bacon for himself, and that sent me out of the house!

These smells are just so intense it is scary...

Yesterday at work a lady was sucking a strawberry throat lozenge, guess who smelt it from the other side of the room?

Guess who knows when bob on the next floor down is drinking his 4th latte for the morning?

And guess who knows that the man who said that he had given up cigarettes is lying?

Thats right.. super smell woman over here!

I can no longer stand the scented soap you wash your hands with, nor the smelly thing that used to be in my car, tuna is out of the question, my husbands socks - barf! And the funniest one of all - myself, yes that is right, at the end of the day i make myself want to vomit.... And my husband assures me that i dont smell - after all i am bathing twice a day...

I think it has to be one of the strangest symptoms, and it makes me wonder why the hormones have that effect?

The best smell in the world is that of the man you love.

So your infertile...  For me it came as a surprise, i had normal periods during high school, went on the pill at 17, then stopped taking the pill nearly 10 years later.  I honestly thought i would get a period a month later.  But nothing, nada, neinte, not even a spot, a cramp, or the slightest hint of anything premenstrual...

Suddenly, almost overnight, my husband and i were thrown into the world of infertility and everything it has the pleasure of offering. Almost as soon as we had decided to go ahead with the IUI's and attempt to defeat my stubborn ovaries, almost everyone we had mentioned it to suddenly became experts, they suddenly became more educated in infertility then my doctor....

Family, friends, friends of family, long long lost uncle bert, suddenly had a friend of a friend, or a  cousin's sister's mother's best friend who also went through this, or is going through this, but they did it this way and that way, and you shouldn't do this, you shouldn't do that...

I had so many people ask me have you researched, have you thought about the costs, can you even afford a child, what if you just waited a year or so....

As we progressed along this year, it seems that every one in my life also progressed - they progressed from a diploma to a degree, to a masters degree in infertility!  Now more hurtful comments came along, dont you think your just being impatient or never mind that it didnt work - there is always next month.  My so called best friend (now ex best friend) said to on one occasion - i hope you dont fall pregnant this time, so we can fall pregnant together, or something along the lines of that, can you believe it!

Besides comments like you should eat this and that, excersise less, sleep more, stop doing this or that, or of my favorite of all comments which i have gotten on more than one occasion is - you just need to take a holiday and relax... NO NO I DON"T! Dont you people understand? Just going on a holiday wont make me pregnant! I AM INFERTILE - you have to actually ovulate if you want to fall pregnant, and I DONT OVULATE - get it through your thick heads, if you dont ovulate than no matter how much S-E-X you have, whether it be on holidays or at home, stressed or relaxed, upside down, doggy style, or upside down with your legs crossed... if you do not ovulate, than there is no egg for the sperm to get to, and thus no baby... HUMPH

Now this was all during the IUI's... So you can imagine, and those of you who are also infertile - i know that you know what i am talking about, you can imagine the doctors that came out of nowhere when we decided to do the IVF, and not only the doctors this time, but the psyciatrists as well!

Dont get me wrong here, i have an AMAZING support network who i couldnt live without , most of my family and friends now understand, or try to understand what we are going through, but it is the other people, the ones who arnt close enough to understand, the ones you havent really told and that dont really know what is going on but assume to know, and assume to be the experts now...

They are the ones who now give me the hebe-jebies when they tell me to 'take a break' or see their friend who is unqualified but apparently 'an expert', or to just get over it and suddenly stop wanting children, or my ABSOLOUTE favorite:-

YOU JUST NEED TO STOP STRESSING...

You know what, maybe stopping stressing and just relaxing may help, maybe, but honestly - TELL ME HOW THE HELL TO DO THAT?

I was pondering the thought this morning of a holiday... But what if it doesnt work and i waste my holiday moping, what if i cant find a blood center and cant get my blood taken, what if it does work and i have wasted our money on a holiday, what about work, no i cant take time of work because i have taken to much time for doctors appointments... No, no holiday it is just not practical.

So once again i am back to where i started, not pregnant, not worried or stressed, and definatly not hopeless - we have a plan of attack, we have some money, but we are still being told to take a break, to give up, to talk to this person, to stand on our heads, to go on a holiday, and most frequently TO STOP STRESSING...

OKAY OKAY OKAY... We understand... the MAGIC stalk is coming tonight to leave our baby on our door step...

Alright already - i'm sorry, i get it, i really do get it, they LOVE us and that is why they tell us what to do.  But please, let the doctor do her job, after all if you were a fetility expret i would be paying you the big bucks

"When dealing with people remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion" Dale Carnegie

I tell no lies, some days i sit here feeling sorry for myself thinking that nothing could be worse then being infertile. Nothing could be worse then having to get help for something that should come easily, be fun and stress free for me and my husband.

Some days i sit here thinking that i have it so f***ing bad - if you've read my posts you can see that sometimes it is like i am in a big black tunnel and the only light is one small dot that i will only reach once i am pregnant.

I forget where i came from, i forget how i got here, the people that got me here, i forget who i am, and most importantly i forget why i am doing this.

A lot lately i hear stories of people who are in similar mind frames, however when i hear their stories, i am always able to see the light in their lives, i am able to say "yes but look at what you have, you have so many blessings that should be counted..."

In not quite sure if saying it is a major human fault  is the right way to put it, however to get so caught up in our lives, and so focused on getting something that we want, we forget who we are, and more importantly we forget what we have.  We need to stop and put things into perspective, put ourselves out there and say 'Hey - it's not that bad'

Today on my way home from a very stressful and busy day while i was looking out to a sea of red break lights, i looked over out the passenger side window and watched the sun going down behind the trees, i honestly sat there thinking - what could be better than watching this.  I am a sucker for a good sunrise and sunset, for some reason i get an amazing amount of inspiration from it... and this afternoon, through my hormone crazed brain, i managed to sit there and count my blessings...

...and you know what - IT IS NOT THAT BAD!...

...as someone once told me "you could be dead or in jail"

So Life is a bitch, and being infertile - even more of a bitch, but if i have one piece of advice, just one thing to tell everyone out there who is going through hell at the moment or about to face IVF hell or even those who are just miserable because life sucks- NEVER EVER FORGET where you came from, how you got here, who you are, WHAT YOU HAVE, and most importantly never forget the memories and friends you have gained along the way.

"If only the people who worry about their liabilities would think about the riches they do possess, they would stop worrying." Dale Carnegie

By a massive lapse in judgment i have missed one of the most important things that you will learn thoughtout the duration of an IVF cycle

Side effects - they are now your new best friend!

There is nothing more exciting to look forward to than reading the pamphlet that the nurse has just handed to you with your new bunch of drugs...

I am now nearly 20 days into my cycle, i have stimulated the ovaries, gone through the EPU, managed to get to ET and now it is the waiting game, drugs are finally finished right? WRONG! If you thought the needles and injections were fun, wait till you get to know the next part... and this might just be classified as 'too much information' (much like most of this post) however it is part of the story, so you know - either suck it up and read on... or stop now...your choice, but dont say i didnt warn you!

And the side effects involved...

Now not many people actually read the instruction leaflet, but in this situation i thought it might be required as this new hormone is not swallowed in pill form, not injected, it is inserted... and has a wonderful and descriptive name "Vaginal Gel" so before i jumped into this i wanted to make sure i was 'inserting' it correctly.

So i am sitting on the loo reading this leaflet, preparing to insert my first dose of the gel, and i come across the section titled Side Effects.

To my horror and humor in small little print came the following statement:-

"Very common side effects

• feelings of severe sadness and unworthiness
• feeling emotional
• decreased sexual drive
• sleepiness
• constipation, nausea
• passing urine at night
• cramps, abdominal pain, perineal pain (around the genital & the back passage)
• headache
• breast enlargement or breast pain

Common side effects

• bloating, pain
• dizziness
• vaginal discharge, itching of the vaginal area, vaginal thrush
• diarrhoea, vomiting
• painful sexual intercourse
• painful joints

This is not a complete list of all possible side effects. Others may occur in some people and there may be some side  effects not yet known"

Now not everyone gets all side effects, i know that, and yes they have to give you ALL of the possible side effects, i'm no hypochondriac, however, i have been on these hormones for a week now... and if you asked my husband and coworkers to describe me in one short sentence it would be:

A normal girl turned instantly teary then instantly overly cheerful, turned grumpy, crazed B-i -A--c-h

And not only am i emotionally exhausted but i really have sore boobs, a bloated belly, as well as constipated (to the point where prunes are not helping) and i now raise about three times a night to pee... PLUS, and at the risk once more of ‘too much information’ this is a warning to all those with sensitive ears, leave now...PLUS i have cottage cheese like discharge!

Annnnnnnnd - apparently this is normal!  (insert sarcasm here)

So for those of you thinking the clomid was bad... think again!

"When things are bad take comfort on the thought that they could always be worse.  And when they are we find HOPE in the thought that things are so bad they can only get better." Anon

To continue on from my post Day eleven - The ten things they should warn you before your first IVF appointment i bring you ten thing that you will learn throughout the duration of IVF...

1. The Female reproductive system:- What a follicle is, how large it must be to ovulate, how long an egg lives, where the egg and sperm meet...
2. The Male reproductive system:- How long sperm lives, what a good sperm count is, what a good sperm mobility count should be, how long it takes for sperm to generate, how many days before EPU he should ejaculate, how many days before EPU he must withstand from ejaculating...
3. That you are now overly qualified to give your nieces and nephews their sex education classes
4. That the white fuzz on the ultrasound machine actually means something
5. That you REALLY did have to lose your modesty -  as now not only the doctor, the nurse, and three scientists have seen your un groomed "who-ha" they also almost got pee'd on by you because your bladder was just that little too full at embryo transfer...
6. That self embarrassment has a whole new level.  There is a point in your life where you must realize that talking about discharge or your partners sperm count is generally classified as "too much information"
7. That unexplained crying will forever remain unexplained.  See a baby - cry.  See a pregnant lady - cry.  See a fat person, assume they are pregnant - cry.  See nappies on sale at the grocer - cry.  Rub your belly - cry.  Cry for no reason.  Cry in the am.  Cry in the pm.  Cry because you are crying.
8. That when people tell you, you "just need a holiday" or "just relax" or "arn't you just being a little impatient" they are just trying to help... They really have NO idea, so just nod and smile, nod and smile
9. That patience is a virtue you dont have, and that the most important thing you will be warned of and the most important thing you will learn throughout the duration of IVF is,
10. That you and your partner may just be contemplating life without children...

"You have learned something.  That always feels at first as if you had lost something."  ~H.G. Wells

I can not describe the amount of pain i am in apart from that i had acute appendicitis and my appendix was removed last year, and that was a walk in the path compared to this - probably because they gave me morphine for that - oh how some morphine would help right now!

The worst part of all this pain is that i am worried about OHSS ...

For those of you who are not sure what OHSS (Ovarian hyper stimulation) is:

"Ovarian hyper stimulation:-  is when you have unusually large number of mature follicles that release eggs.  When these follicles release, there is an unusually high concentration of oestrogen-rich fluid in the peritoneal cavity and the ovaries are generally enlarged far beyond their usual plum size.  In some cases they can swell to softball size.  In milder cases women experience bloating and mild pain from the over sized ovaries (that is me - but i wouldn't call it mild pain!) The treatment then is just a matter of rest and staying well hydrated (I'm in bed, drinking water).  In more severe cases, the oestrogen in the peritoneal cavity causes fluid to leak out of the circulatory system and into the peritoneal cavity and other spaces, such as the cavity around the lungs.  This can cause marked discomfort and bloating, and can cause difficulty breathing due to pressure on the diaphragm (hmm not really - thank goodness)...."

I have been told by the nurse that i must keep my fluids up, and drink gatorade, take some panadol, and rest... which i am doing... But it is still hard not too worry... and it really really really really HURTS!

"Humour can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers and once you find laughter no matter how painful the situation might be – you can survive it. " Bill Crosby

125 iu's FSH, Orgalutran injection PLUS Overdril (trigger injection), three needles tonight, feeling tired bloated, sick, at the limits of my pain threshold, emotions running wild...  but thats it, after 8.30pm tonight, no more needles!  Yip, yip, yippie!  Egg pickup only 36 hours away... quality not quantity nurse rachael says... we want quality... and i am praying for good little googy eggs...

So today was a BAD day, i was sick, sore, extraordinarily busy and very very hormonal... and in my frazzled state of mind i may have accidentally overreacted, so in honor of a twenty year friendship down the tube due to hormones i have decided to pass on what i have discovered today for all to  learn from...

The top ten emotions that will sneak up on you at any given moment, while you are on an IVF cycle are:

1. Depression: despair, sadness, misery, hopelessness, gloominess, melancholy, dejection, unhappiness...
2. Regret: feel sorry, disappointment, apologetic, repentant, remorseful, shame...
3. Frustration: aggravation, irritation, disturbance, annoyance, dissatisfaction...
4. Anxiety: nervous, worried, concerned, uneasy, apprehensive, restless, fretful, fearful...
5. Confusion: bewilderment, perplexity, puzzlement, uncertainty, misunderstanding...
6. Excitement: enthusiasm, thrill, anticipation...
7. Inspired: encouraged, motivated, enthused, stimulated, stirred, moved...
8. Joy: delight, happiness, pleasure, enjoyment, bliss, elation, thrill...
9. Anger: annoyance, irritation, fury, rage...
10. Overreacting: exaggerate, dramatize, be melodramatic, over the top, react excessively...

While these emotion are not uncommon to anyone else on this planet, the difference between emotions, and IVF emotions are that they are not only felt 1,000,000 times more powerfully. They are ALL felt in a very short time frame, and all jumbled up intermingled with each other, eating your brain up, consuming every thought you have...

A prime example of this was demonstrated today.  The emotional roller coaster of me all began at 9.46am with an email, yes an email sent me mad today, and as the message went back and forth, and back and forth, and back again, well this is what transpired emotionally...

9.46am - Inspired

10.31am - Frustrated

10.46am - Angery

10.50am - At this point i think i overreacted

11.01am - Then came the regret

11.31am - Then AGAIN Frustrated

11.43am - And a little more regret

11.58am - Then Confusion

12.01pm - Joy, only given by the fact that it was lunch time)

12.28pm - Then back to the desk and it hits: Depression

1.03pm - Then the REAL feelings and emotions emerged...

1.04pm - misunderstanding excitement depression sadness misery hopelessness melancholy dejection unhappiness regret feel sorry elation disappointment  apologetic repentant remorseful shame aggravation irritation disturbance dissatisfaction anxiety nervous worried concerned uneasy apprehensive despair restless fretful fearful confusion uncertainty thrill anticipation inspired encouraged enthused stimulated stirred moved joy delight happiness thrill anger annoyance irritation fury rage overreacting exaggerate dramatize be melodramatic over the top bewilderment perplexity puzzlement pleasure enjoyment bliss frustration react excessively annoyance gloominess enthusiasm motivated....

1.06pm - if u cant tell i am hormonal, at work, busy, & MY OVARIES HURT! Bloody hell! And still the rest of the day to survive...

5.23pm - i survived, i made it through the day!  Unfortunately my BF of 20yrs is no longer talking to me, and doesnt understand that the emotions i felt today, and the reactions that occurred were somewhat out of my control.  I wish i could say that i have learnt something, and i wish that i could say that i will never ever overreact again, but chances are i will.  There are still many more hormones to be pumped into my body over the next three weeks, and still many more emotions that i will feel 100 times more powerfully then i expect.  I feel that i cannot live in regret, what happened today happened, they way i acted may have seemed inexcusable, and i am truly sorry for hurting someone i love, but in the end i shouldn't have to be anyone but myself  i can't help it, i am who i am. I've done nothing recently but bare my soul and be honest about who and what i am. If the truth that comes in the way of hormone enhanced emotions cannot be handled, then so be it.  I tired, and i think i failed, but

"The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall." Vince Lombardi

That first appointment, the one where you are waiting in anticipation, excited about the hope that there is something that can be done about the fact that you haven't had a period in - when was the last time i had my period?

It is at this point one of the nurses should give you a beautifully decorated piece of paper that says the following:-



"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying where there seemed to be no HOPE at all."  Dale Carnegie

Ahhh i am so frustrated! My day has been so busy and hectic and all i want to do is upload a video and it is taking for ages and i feel like i am going to pop!

I am mega busy at work, mega busy when i get home, mega busy on the weekends, where has my year gone, where is my life going? in 17 days i will be 27 and im STILL NOT PREGNANT! POO TO THE WHOLE WORLD!

I am not sad today, not inspirational, not insightful, nothing, just frustrated!  I am sitting here trying to be creative and trying to come up with things to write about that will be informative to other IVF patients, but i just cant...

When your on these hormones it is like everything is doubled, tripeled, just f**k**g multiplied to a bajillion, i feel like i've had about a thousand cups of coffee and i just have the irrits to the extreme.... ekkk i am so mad.

I know it is the hormones because i was calm this time last week, and there is no need for me to be so strung, its only a diary entry, and who cares if its not perfect, its my thoughts and feelings and the whole idea of it was to release my feelings so here you go...

WARNING:- EMOTIONAL RELEASE..

HUMPH BLOODY HELL HUMPH ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG...........EKKKKKKK RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHH HUMPH BLOODY HELL HUMPH ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG...........EKKKKKKK RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AND POOP AGAIN TO PCOS!

PS - No quote today, too bloody mad for a quote...

My husband has many nick names for me, the most recent of which is 'my human pin cushion'.... With my cycle now in full swing i am becoming accustom to jabbing myself each night at 7pm.  I even have a reminder set in my phone!

When i first walked into the clinic the last thing on my mind was giving myself needles, i dont think i had any clue about that, i think i just assumed that it would be tablets...  until i fell pregnant, actually now that i think of it i didnt even expect the scans!

Even though i may be used to the idea of jabbing myself each night, my body isn't and almost a week into my cycle and my belly now resembles somewhat of an artwork, with a few little purple bruises and some nice red prick marks... Combine that with the bloating and soreness and one certainly does not feel good about one's appearance.  I have even canceled my weekend dinner for fear of not feeling up to it!

Not sure if i have mentioned it before but this is my second full IVF cycle, last time i was given the nose spray to stop ovulation, this time i am doing what the doc calls an antagonist cycle for fear of hyper stimulation, with this you get to give yourself two needles! Yes thats right folks, as of last night i am now giving myself two needles per night, and this is likely to continue until next Monday, so thats still 5 more nights of two needles.  See the thing with the second needle is that it is big and blunt and you cant just go in for the kill, you have to actually think about what you are doing...

Last night was a disaster!  I went in for the epipen jab, which is easy - except i was a little tired and forgot to twist the dose - for those of you who have never used an epipen, you have to twist on the needle point, then twist the other end so that you have the right dosage, then you pinch your tummy fat, and go in for the jab - which involves jabbing then pressing the button in to release the dose into your tummy... hmmm am i making sense? Believe me its not really that hard.. HOWEVER if your somewhat of a nob like me and forget to twist the dosage, you then have to pull the needle out, twist the dose, and re jab yourself....BOLOX

Soooooooooooo, after muffing up the first jab, i opened the Orgalutran injection, which was good because it is all pre done and there is no measuring or anything, it is just a matter of jabbing... HOWEVER the friggin thing is HUGE, i would even go as far as to say it is a larger needle than the overdril (thats the one you have to give to make you ovulate).  And i have been so used to the little epipen that it didnt go in the first time, i had to toughen up and press quite firmly to get it in my belly.

*sigh*

HUMPH

Well there is no getting around it, it really is quite amazing what you will do in life for the things that you want so badly.  So many people have told me that they could never do it, but i think if you had told me a year ago that i would have to give myself needles, i too would have said that i couldnt do it.  I surely have my eye on the target, and everything between me and my target is inconsequential... And plus, it gives me something that makes me feel better about myself - i can do what it takes, i can be the girl who overcomes her fears, takes the challenge, and is stronger than she ever imagined.

I AM THE HUMAN PIN CUSHION HEAR ME ROAR! And my phone is beeping at me to remind me to stab myself once more... Wish me luck with the Orgalutran injection

"Success is deciding from the start what end result you want and creating the circumstances to realise that result."  Mark Victor Hansen