Yesterday I wrote a new IVF story [check it out here ] I decided to write it not just because I thought the blog needed a change but because the old version wasn’t right anymore.
The end summed up my story in a way that wasn’t truly how my heart felt anymore, feels anymore.
A long time ago I wrote the words: ” I still question God everyday” however as the time has progressed I no longer question him. I have in fact come to peace with that section of my past and I now realise why god gave it too me, and I don’t question it.
I have come to realise that God gave me IVF and many months of pain simply to build me, to mould me into the person he had designed me to become. He gave me that journey so that I could know what miracles are, so that I could see a type if hope that not many other people in this world can see.
He gave me that journey so that I could be more open hearted. So that I could grow up and see the world for what it can be, not for what my mind had trapped me into believing it was.
Because of my IVF journey I began to change as a person. To grow in ways that I may never would have been able to grow in if I hadn’t experienced that sort of pain and longing.
Hope is defined as::
The feeling that what is wanted can behad or that events will turn out for the best.
I know that so many of us lack hope, and we lack having complete faith in God. We don’t feel like “events will turn out for the best”, or that “what is wanted can be had” so often we simply loose all sense of our hope and we give up. We let go of what is wanted and we forget that up in the sky there is the master if all things possible. We give up and we let the constraints of this modern world affect our judgement and our hope.
Through loosing all hope I was forced to have faith, and that is why God gave me my past. This is why God gave me my journey, so I could see that there is someone who can make the impossible possible, there is someone who can turn pain into faith, hope and love. There is someone up there watching each and everyone of us, caring for us so much that he would take the time to plan a life that while took me too the darkest depths if pain, also took me to the highest heights of joy and pure happiness.
I don’t question God anymore, I just have faith that this plan I have seen unfold over the past four years is just the beginning of he rest of my life – with a smile on my face that can be seen from the heavens…
When hope is all you have to hold onto…