Day 362 in my miracles life

I am slowly realizing that on my 30 before 30 list, there are a few things that are linked… That the things that i want to get better all stem from my depression, my anxiety and the reasons behind why i must talk through the grief i still hold in my heart.

I guess i never realised that my patience was short and my frustrations high because i was carrying all this greif and sadness… I never really realised that my slightly obsessive compulsive behavior stemmed from the need to cope, to simply survive in a world where i didnt know how to handle my sadness.

And i guess i never really realised that to love myself, to work on loving my self image so that george always knows just how beautiful she is & knows that it is not what is on the outside, but what is on the inside that counts – i had to sort out my insides….

I am learning each week that when i in fact  conquer the demons of my past, i will too conquer the triggers which send me into an impatient and frustrated crazy woman, and when i conquer the demons of my past i know that i will soon realise that i am attractive and lovable no matter what i look like….

With wheat free experimentation… Its like i havent gone wrong yet, so why not keep pushing the boundary’s with what you can do with honey, peanut butter and almond meal?!

Last night i was once again feeling experimental… So i got out my left over peanut butter, honey and almond meal from my pear crumble, and started thinking…

Date and Saltana Slice

Stuff you’ll need

• 3/4 cup peanut butter
• 3/4 cup honey
• 1 egg, plus 1 egg white
• 1/2 cup coconut
• 3/4 – 1 cup almond meal
• 1.5 cups dried fruit chopped

How I did it

Cream PB and honey together for a minute or two, add the egg and egg white and beat mixture until smooth.  Add the almond meal and beat for a few minutes until combined. Add the fruit and mix again until combine.  Place in a lined shallow baking tray and place in a preheated oven (about 180 deg cel) for about 20 minutes or until golden.  Serve warm or cold, either way it is D-E.. LICIOUS!

Day 360 in my miracles life

Gosh can you believe its only 5 days until my miracles first birthday? Where on earth did the time go? And speaking of time flying it had been over a year since i got my hair done, and more than a few years since i have actually changed my hair style.

You see, when i was infertile i rarely cared…. When i was pregnant i had better things to think about and plus my hair was SO thick all i had to do was wash and shake it and vwala, it was done, and when i had george… well – it fell out… Then it started growing back…. Then it began falling out again, then when finally we realised it was falling out from my anxiety, i decided that enough was enough and it was time to change it…

So i did with the help of my sister in law we chopped and we curled!

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. Maria Robinson

Day 358 in my miracles life

I said i wasnt going to go over board… That may have been a lie…

Last weekend i began shopping for and making all the things i want to make for georges first birthday party… And i have to tell you that i was in heaven! I am just so excited that i have a baby girl, you have no idea how much i love pink, just how much fun i had painting with glitter, making a mess with pink paint!

If it is not clear by now we are having a Fairy Princess Party for my baby girl! And what sort of fairy princess party would it be if there wasnt any wands for magic?  No sort of party at all!

So my husband and i made wands, yes you heard right, we made fairy wands! SQUEE!! I cant wait to give them out at my our party!

I think i am more excited about this party than i have ever been about any party in my life! Can you believe a year has gone by so quickly?

Day 356 in my miracles life

Why am i doing this? Read it here….

This week i havent really had to think much about the things he does as he has been ‘doing’ it all! (see sometimes they really are sweet!)

1. we have a flip book of sayings and quotations in the toilet, now i bet your wondering where this one is going right? Nothing suss, i promise! Anyway every so often he flips through it and finds me the perfect and strangely always appropriate saying and leaves it there for me to read the next time i have a ‘sit down’
2. dinner on tuesday night was eye fillet steak with green vegetables… cooked to perfection by my husband for me
3. on wednesday, even though i dont eat sweets during the week, he put a little cookie in my lunch box for work… awww
4. as much as he hates it he came shopping with george and i on saturday
5. he helped me make fairy wands for georges party!
6. even though i know he will never really understand it, he puts up with my crazy and neurotic side and i am not too sure there are many people in the world who could deal with that!
7. took me for a walk on monday afternoon

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. Sam Keen

Day 355 in my miracles life

I know that there is never a time when we arnt learning, that even as adults we learn the importance of things daily, and i understand that different peoples life experiences lead to placing different levels of importance on different things, but sometimes it really shocks me as to the value in life some people place on money and things.

I have been through many heart breaking events in my lifetime, i have felt what it is like to suffer from so far within, hurt from places that most people dont even know exist, i understand that maybe it is easier for me to see things in a different light, to appreciate the things that i do have rather than desiring what i dont have… But sometimes it still really really puzzles and annoys me that everyday i see people i love so much placing so much value on things and in money.

Why do people look at other people and wish they earned as much as them, why do people look at a man who earns $250,000 a year but has no family, no life, nothing but possessions and see that they are successful?  Why do people see someone who has a fast car or two as better – simply because they can afford it?  What is it that makes people want more and more and more forgetting what they have?

I guess i know it is just the way life is, and i know that i cant change the world, but i wish in part that the people i love, the people that surround me could jsut understand that what they have is everything.

I was part of a conversation over the weekend when it really hit home for me.  My beautiful sister in law and mother in law talking about the new babies room and the spare room beside set up just right for my MIL to stay and help with the baby… It was perfect seeing them talking about the magic of a new baby and the plans for mother and daughter to come together and celebrate new life, mother helping daughter just as it should be… But it was then that the jealousy hit me – i dont have that and i never will.  I have family that would do anything for me, but i will never have that….

I will never have the relationship a daughter has with her mother, i dont remember what it is like to have a mothers love.  And i write this not to be felt sorry for, not for the ‘poor you’ comments, nothing like that, it just makes me think that for that moment that i was a part of over the weekend for that simple second of a mother being excited for a daughters new baby, for a mother to want to give up everything for her daughter… For that moment – i would give everything i own up.

I would live on the streets if it meant that i could have known my mother.  I would pass over my car, my savings, my tv, my books, everything that was a possession i would give up, just to have that moment, just to have a relationship with my mother, or even just to keep the people i hold dear to my heart in my life…

To have my husband and my baby with me and in love with me until the day i die, to keep the family i do have safe and from illness, to keep those people that the ones i love love safe from harm and illness… I would give anything that was a ‘thing’ up in a heart beat.

Yes i have been through a lot more than others, infertility really brought true to me what was important in this life time… Being a mother has really reminded me what is important to me.  But it still puzzles me why others just cant see it… Why still after so long, why is it that the people that surround me are still so concerned with money and things?

Why so many people cant see that a simple hug from someone you love is so much better than anything that could be bought?

On a quest to create something wheat free i came up with the idea of a pear crumble.  Now i am not a massive sweet tooth, ok so that is a lie, but i do enjoy on occasion something that is not sugar on sugar on sugar on sugar like last weeks cake… So this week i thought i would turn an old winter classic into something a little less sweet and a little ‘better’ for you…  I used ALL NATURAL ingredients, and managed to accomplish something that was completly wheat free! And without a recipe i might add as well…

So if you feel like something a little ‘better’ than the standard, sugar on sugar dessert try my wheat free pear crumble (if you dont like pears simply go for apples instead)

Stuff You’ll Need

• 1 cup almond meal
• 1 cup hazelnut meal
• 1 cup nut butter (i used organic peanut butter – the only ingredient being peanuts)
• 2 eggs
• some coconut

• 6 pears or apples
• 1 cup water
• vanilla essence

• 1/2 cup almond meal
• 1/2 cup hazlenut meal
• 1/4 cup nut butter
• 1/4 cup honey

How i did it

Mix the almond meal and hazelnut meal together, then rub in the butter using your finger tips – like any pastry you want a crumble type appearance.  Add the eggs and form a dough.  Sprinkle coconut on the bench and slightly kneed the dough basically just bringing it all together.  Roll out the dough, it wont go quite like pastry and you probably wont be able to place it in one large piece, but if you can – your better than me if not it doesnt really matter, so press the dough into your pie dish evenly. Place in the oven for about 1/2 an hour to chill and set, before placing it in a preheated oven (180 deg cel) for about 20 minutes.

Peel your pears and dice.  Place in a saucepan with the vanilla and water, if you like fruit a little sweeter add some honey at this point.  bring to the boil then turn the heat down and simmer for about 1/2 an hour until the fruit is cooked through and the water has reduced.

For the crumble simply place the almond meal, hazelnut meal nut butter and honey in a bowl and once again use your finger tips to create a crumble.

Once the base and the pears are cooked place the pears in the base and crumble the crumble mixture over the pears… Cook once again for about 10 minutes or until to crumble is golden and crunchy…

Serve with some gluten free cream or ice cream… or like i did with a little honey drizzled over the top… nomnomnom… (its very nutty though, so if your not a nut fan… )