As The Weeks Go By… 50 Weeks

Day 350 in my miracles life


Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don’t worry…I’m here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you. -Charlie Brown to Snoopy

The Things He Does…

Day 349 in my miracles life

There is one thing on my 30 before 30 list that means more to me than the others….  Some of the things on my list are simply ‘things’ that i have wanted to do for a long time and others are ‘things’ that i hope will make me a better person, maybe a more grown up and responsible person for my daughter… And to be honest most of the ‘things’ on my list are things i want to do so that my daughter grows up knowing and feeling like she is part of a stable and loving environment, so that my past and the things in my mind that haunt me are not passed onto her.

But this one item on my list, number 24, and actually number 23 as well, i believe will make the relationship i have with my husband stronger, and it is something that i think a lot of relationships miss out on.  We get so caught up in the day to day routine of life, with the monotony of complaining, of feeling like we are so hard done by, of dwelling in the past, of simply just living the same thing day in day out, that we forget to appreciate what we have and the small things that our partners do for us.

Number 24 on my list is to tell my husband i love him everyday, and i dont mean just that standard ‘i love you’ i want my i love you to be the kind of i love you where i actually sit down and think about why i love him and say it out loud.  Some people may think that a relationship is doomed if you have to sit down and think about why you love a person, but i think in a world where we are so caught up in day to day routine, where people come and go, in a world where sometimes all we hear is the negatives, i think it is important to simply point out the positives that may just be staring you in the face and realise that most of the time the positives outweigh the negatives, it is just that we forget to remember the good things people have to offer to us.

And so, in my style, in the only way that i know how to express myself these days, i am going to write “The things he does” each day, just so that he knows, and so that others know, that no matter how much he annoys me, how insensitive he can be, that no matter how many times i say ARGGG! That the other things he does, truly outweigh everything else, and that at the end of the day, he means more to me than he will ever know…

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

Clouded.

Day 348 in my miracles life.

Have you ever felt like everything is clouded?

Today it seems like there is a cloud in front of my eyes and i just cant concentrate or think straight, and i dont know what it is.

I am not sure if i am tired and weary from the days away, or if this is something different… I just dont know, it is like i am standing in the middle of a crowed space and everything and everyone is just passing me by at super speed…

I’ve never felt like this before & its a little frightening.

3. Delicious Disaster…

Sooooo number 3 in the quest to bake 30 things chosen by other people was meant to be this a delicious looking lemon layer cake…

I mean what could be better than three layers of cake separated by lemon curd covered in beautiful icing – right? RIGHT?!  NOTHING….! & my gosh was this yummy…. HOWEVER, the disaster part comes into play somewhere along the lines of icing….

You may have noticed by now i am not an icing person, most of my cakes are without, i like a good moist cakey cake minus the icing, so as such i am not very good at making icing, and i think today really proved that i must, i must i must be more patient before icing and eating the cake!

Stuff you’ll need for the cake (recipe taken straight from here)

  • 1 cup butter, at room temperature
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 4 eggs
  • 3 cups sifted self-rising flour
  • 1 cup buttermilk
  • 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

How i did it

Preheat oven to 180°C. Using an electric mixer, cream butter until fluffy. Add sugar and continue to cream well for 6 to 8 minutes.

Add eggs 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Add flour and milk alternately to creamed mixture, beginning and ending with flour.

Add vanilla and continue to beat until just mixed.

Divide batter equally among prepared pans. Level batter in each pan by holding pan 3 or 4-inches above counter, then dropping flat onto counter. Do this several times to release air bubbles and assure you of a more level cake. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until a tester or toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Stuff you’ll need for the lemon curd (recipe taken straight from here)

  • 8 egg yolks
  • 1 1/2 cups sugar
  • 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter
  • 3 lemons, zest grated and juiced

How i did it

Place the ingredients in the double boiler over boiling water. Don’t let top pan touch the water. Cook and stir until mixture begins to gel or thicken ever-so-slightly. Remove from heat and allow to cool. Cover and refrigerate it to thicken. (see that refrigerate thing – really do that, me thinks that is where i got unstuck, i was impatient and didnt let it go to a thick jelly consistency)

Stuff you’ll need for the Royal icing (taken straight from here)

  • 4 egg whites
  • 1/2tsp.lemon juice
  • 2lbs.confectioners sugar

How i did it

Combine egg white and lemon juice in a bowl and add small amount of sugar until the icing is completely smooth and forms a peak.

Putting it ALL together to create one massively DELICIOUS disaster…

Place the first cake on a cake plate, spread lemon curd all over, place the second cake on top, spread more lemon curd all over, place the third cake on top and pour a whole lot of lemon curd on top… Place in the fridge…. Keep checking on it to make sure it is still there, scooping the dripping lemon curd from all surfaces of everything and licking everything…. (no no dont be silly your curd will work just fine, so it wont make a mess and you wont have to lick it up!)

Once the curd is set around the cake, pipe on the royal icing… And hope that it doesnt look like this!

Looks good…

Looks good…

Looks good….

Ekkkk, bit leany…

Ahhh, its sliding…

ITS SLIDING OFF… AHHHHH!!

*giggles uncontrollably*

Nomnomnomnomnom…. But even if it does, not too worry cause it tastes like a dream! (i have 4 people who will back me up on that ;) )

A Change of Pace…

Day 344 in my miracles life

This morning for the first time in quite a while, i feel happy, content, and so in love with my daughter it is unbelievable.

Maybe it is the change of scenery, maybe it is the change of pace, the outdoors, the view, the feeling that i am somewhat on a mini holiday, who knows – maybe it is the fresh air, but today i feel different, lighter, happier…

Could it be the tablets?  Could it be that the doctors were right? That i just needed something lite to take the edge off?  To take the sadness from my heart so that i could clear my mind and work through the underlying issues?  Could it be that there is a chemical imbalance somewhere there in my mind

Could it be that with new clarity i will simply realise that i really am happy, that the things in my past has truly made me a stronger person, a better person, a more loving and caring mother, a person who knows what it is to hurt and can help others because of it?

It is better to want what you have than to have what you want. Proverb

As The Weeks Go By… 49 Weeks

Day 343 in my miracles life


Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken. But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever.

The Countdown Has Begun…

Day 342 in my miracles life

I think i am the most excited that i have been in a year.  This time last year i was counting down the days until i meet my precious miracle, and in all honesty i cant believe just how quickly this year has past me by, everyone warned me, everyone told me it would just fly by in an instant, but the most part of me refused to believe them!

In 24 days my baby is one.  One year old.  No matter how many times i say it, or write it, it still seems so unreal.  There is so much in my past i have to deal with and so much that i need to come to terms with, but for all that i have been through and for all that happened to get to this point, i would still say that i would do it again in an instant.

I just cant wait to put together the party for a little girl i never thought would be mine, i cant wait to spoil her with cakes and all things pink, fairy and pixi dust covered… I know in my heart that she will never remember it, i know that she wont know any better, but for me, for me it is a celebration of hope, faith and love.

It is a celebration of what the future has in store for me and my family, for the renewed faith i have in God and the knowledge that anything is possible, and it is a day, one day where i can say once again “when the world shouted give up, hope whispered one more time”

In 24 days while the scar on my abdomen wont be gone, the hope i hold onto in the depths of my heart will be celebrated, and for one day at least my future will be filled with all things baby, pink, baked and every kind of wonderful there is to celebrate on this earth….

Winter

Day 341 in my miracles life

I love winter, just love it with every heart beat.

There may be days where i cant feel my fingers or toes, where i shiver, where anything seems better than getting out of bed from under the warmth of the blankets, but when push comes to shove – there is nothing better than waking up before the sun, driving to the coast and waiting for the sun to rise over the ocean with a hot hot coffee in my hands.

I love the serenity the freshness of a new day brings, the hope that i feel when finally after the cold of the darkness there is the heat of the sun to bring warmth to your soul.  I love the inspiration it gives me as i watch my breath come from my mouth and as the simpleness of a new day fills me with hope….

I couldnt imagine life without a winters sunrise and a hot coffee…

2. Julie’s Birthday Apple Pie Cake

Chosen by my beautiful niece to be made for her beautiful mother, yesterday we made an apple pie cake… Apple pie cake, what is this concoction you say?!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeelllll let me tell you!

It is in fact one very very moist apple cake, found on the bakerella site and made exactly as per the recipe EXCEPT baked in a hazelnut shell as per this recipe…. And it was so super yummy that a) i will be baking again and b) i will be using that pastry for many other things in the future!

Apple Pie Cake

Stuff you’ll need

  • 200g (1 1/3 cups) plain flour
  • 125g chilled butter, cubed
  • 1 x 100g pkt hazelnut meal
  • 2 tbs icing sugar mixture
  • 2 tbs water
  • 3 cups flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 1 1/2 cups oil
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla
  • 3 cups diced apples
  • 2 cups chopped dates rolled in flour
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 1/4 cup milk

How i did it

To make the pastry, place the flour and butter in the bowl of a food processor and process until it resembles fine breadcrumbs. Add the hazelnut meal, icing sugar and water and process until the dough just comes together. Turn onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth.  Roll out the dough, between 2 sheets of baking paper, to a 4mm-thick disc. Line a pie dish with pastry and trim excess. Use a fork to press the edge of the pastry. Place in the fridge for 15 minutes to rest.  Preheat oven to 180°C. Cover pastry base with baking paper and fill with pastry weights, rice or dried beans. Bake for 10 minutes. Remove the paper and pastry weights, rice or dried beans.

While the pastry is cooking…

In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking soda and cinnamon with a wire whisk and set aside.  Combine sugar and oil using a mixer until blended.  Add eggs and vanilla, mixing until combined.  Add flour mixture and mix well.


Stir in dates and apples. The batter will be very thick. (and when they say very thick they mean VERY THICK!)

Pour into your pie crust and bake for 50-60 minutes or until done.  Cool cake and using a skewer, poke holes in cake.  Cook topping ingredients on stove until mixture bubbles.  Then pour over cake…

We served the next day with whipped cream… OMG it was good!

(and we had a blast making it!)

I am Determined

Day 338 in my miracles life

Plain and simply I am determined to get through this.

Whatever it is that is making me feel like this, whatever it is that is making me messy – I WILL FIX IT….

I.AM.DETERMINED….
I.CAN.DO.THIS…..

Just bare with me, and i will prove to you that i can do anything.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill