Day 62 in my miracles life

To my dearest little miracle,

There is a tear rolling down my cheek this afternoon.  But today it is not because i am sad, it is not because i am hurting, and my love my tear is not because i am scared anymore…

My tear is simply because i am looking into your perfect eyes, my tear is because i am looking at your perfect smile, my tear is because you are real, because you a really laying in my arms staring right back at me.

Finally i can let out a sigh of relief.   I can finally say that you are mine, i can finally pick you up in my arms, and i can finally squeeze you so tight when you cry for me.

The tear on my cheek is because finally you are here, because finally i feel complete, because finally the pain has subsided, and my smiles are real.

Finally after all that we went through, finally after so much pain, finally after so much heart ache, finally after so many tears…

Finally i am ok.

Finally i.am.ok

Love from the mother that is and always will be.

Day 25 in my miracles life

To my dearest little miracle,

296 days ago i wrote you my first letter…  At the time i couldnt have been more scared, more confused, i was so overwhelmed that i didnt know what to do, and i didnt know who to turn to for the answers i needed to hear.

I wrote to you as the mother that may never be, i wrote to you from my heart, and i wrote to you not knowing if you would ever read that very first letter…  But 296 days later, 48 letters later and i am now the mother that is and always will be, that one last time was was for hope, that one last time was for our miracle, that one last time was for you.

I sit here now knowing that we made the right decision, i sit here now knowing that hope and faith got us through, and i sit here writing what may very well be the last letter i write to you on this journey, on this challenge, and i want you to know, that you were worth it, that i would do it all again and more – but only for you.

I want you to know Jennifer that everything i wrote to you, everything in my heart, everything that was in side of me, the second i laid eyes on you, and as i sit here looking at you now -  it doesnt matter, nothing matters anymore…  I know that my past, my pain, my fears, my hurt, my tears, all the emotions i scribed in letters to you – they just dont matter anymore… Simply because i have you, simply because every second was worth it.

Jennifer i have told you many times just what you mean to me, and i have told you so many times that hope and faith got us through, but before i sign this letter one last time, before my challenge ends, i want you to know one last thing…

I haven’t been to the ends of the earth and faced death – but I have felt pain.  I haven’t climbed the highest mountain or been to the moon – but I have felt happiness.  Remember that no matter the challenge, no matter the triumph so long as you have hope, so long as you trust in the Lord, and so long as you believe in miracles, there is a future.

Love from a mother that didnt think she would ever be,

Love from a mother that is…

Love from a mother that always will be…

Love from your mother, Jennifer, your mother…

If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.  Vincent van Gogh

Day 19 in my miracles life

To my dearest little miracle,

Over the past ten months i have learned that love makes you worry, that no longer do i worry about myself, i simply worry about you, and over the past 19 days i have learned that it is possible to feel so helpless it is scary.

My little one, you have your first cold, and i know that there are many worse things, that this is just a little cold, but to me it is heartbreaking simply because i can do nothing to help you, to heal you, to make this pass quickly.

It seems that the cold spring evenings combined with the midnight feeds has taken its toll on your mom, and it seems that my sore throat turned into a runny nose, and now has become a cough that as much as i tried not too has been passed onto you.

I feel helpless, all i can do is hold you, kiss your head and tell you it will be ok, all i can do is rock you back to sleep each time you wake from the tickle in your throat…. All i can do as you lay on my chest all snug as a bug for the moment, is hope that tomorrow this cold will pass you by.

Love from the mother that is and always will be.

We are born weak, we need strength; helpless, we need aid; foolish, we need reason. All that we lack at birth, all that we need when we come to man’s estate, is the gift of education. Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Day 8 of my miracles life

To my dearest little miracle George,

Over the last 337 days (and some) you and your parents have been on an incredible journey.  This journey has seen you, our miracle, come into our world.

With everything your mother has done to bring you to this day has been extraordinary.  I would not have been strong enough to do the things your mum has done.  And while I sit in Melbourne at a conference I can’t wait to meet you.  And just as your mother is a fantastic Aunt to my children.  I hope that I too can a fantastic Aunt to you as well.  I am not very good with words (your Mum got that gene) but I want you to know that you are a very special child who is loved by a great number of people.

I want you to know that I hope that you treasure your unique journey and story into this world which your mother has documented so diligently over the last 337 days (and some).

Whatever your story in life I know it will match the epic journey which began all those days ago.

Lots of Love,

From the Aunt that finally was, Aunty Julie

Only an Aunt can give hugs like a mother, can keep secrets like a sister, and share love like a friend. Spanish Proverb