As i sat in hospital last week i realized that while i love my husband to pieces, there are quite a few things that are defiantly not going to be done while i am in hospital having our baby!  So today i give you the:

Top Ten Things that wont get done while i am in hospital!

1. The washing will not be taken out of the dryer and folded... It will stay in the dryer... even if it is still wet!
2. The floors will get swept.... But the pile of dirt will not be panned up, and each day as the floors are swept, the pile will grow bigger and bigger until the puppy destroys it and the dirt ends up back through the house!
3. There will be a trail of clothes from the front door to the couch, where he has decided to drop them as he walks and undresses through the house
4. The toilet seat will remain up
5. The towels will not be washed, they will remain in a heap on the floor, and for that matter, the bed defiantly will not be made, the sheets defiantly not washed
6. He will not remember where anything is kept, and more than likely i will be called to confirm where exactly the chilli sauce is kept
7. My dear husband wont eat any vegetables, no purchase any vegetables or food with substance should he decide to do some groceries
8. After cooking a massive meal he will in fact store the remaining food, however he wont eat the leftovers, they will stay in the fridge until mold grows and we cant decipher what the food originally was!
9. If by chance his socks do get washed, they will not be paired up and will receive a phone call letting me know that he has no socks and that he requires money to purchase some...
10. Speaking of money, i will get a call or a visit more than likely twice a day asking for some more money as he has none... I will question the $50 i just gave him and he will advise me that food is expensive... When i ask what food he will let me know just what fast food he ate and how much it cost, not to mention exactly what expensive energy drink he likes and how much they cost... hmmm apparently he has never heard of home cooked meals and a glass of water!

But i do know that he loves me, and no matter what doesnt get done and how much money he spends it will be made up by love and affection for me and our miracle george!

Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others. Anon

I love my george, i love everything that i was able to fall pregnant by Gods grace and i love how truly blessed i have become....

HOWEVER....

There are a few things that i really miss, and a few things that i just honestly cant wait to do!

1. Eat some fresh sushi
2. Run as fast as i can for as long as i can
3. Sleep on my front
4. Colour my hair
5. Caffeine, lots and lots of caffeine
6. Put my wedding ring and engagement ring back on
7. Reheat food - simply for convenience
8. Breath a full breath, walk up stairs without losing my breath
9. Know what gender my georgie is so i can go shopping!
10. Hold George in my arms...

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live. Anon

Pregnancy, it is a blessing, i real blessing, i love that i have been given this gist and i love that i will be holding a miracle in my arms soon, but there are some things that make me take a double check in the mirror and make me say - pregnancy glow - where?

So tonight i bring you the Top Ten weirdest things that have happened in the past 215 days, and are making me go WTF?... And just a quick warning...

1. My boobs have gone from small to sore, to big, to saggy, and now they have stretch marks on them!
2. While my ankles are not swelling (thank goodness!) my toes are and often these days dont touch the ground
3. My hair has gone straight (ish)
4. Speaking of hair, it all seems to fall out in clumps yet i have more than ever
5. And my finger and toe nails, they are growing at the speed of light as well, not only that - they are so tough i have to use clippers instead of a nail file!
6. My belly button - now that is a whole other story and if it manages to finally pop out, and stay out, i promise i will post a picture!
7. My face goes from oily to dry back to oily, i am covered in acne and am even getting scars...
8. My ovaries still hurt... It is the weirdest feeling having your ovaries burn when you know they are meant to just be sitting there doing nothing (like they normally do)
9. It isnt really that weird, but it is something that i cant seem to get used to... The amount of times i have to pee... I know i know, i was warned, but it really doesnt help when your baby seems to love to kick you right in that spot that makes you need to go - NOW
10. Finally, Discharge... I have plenty to say about this, but lets just leave it as.... You thought the pessaries were bad? Enough said...

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different. Bill Watterson

13 weeks to go! One week left and i am in the last trimester... Scary huh? I have said on many occasions before that these past 6 months have been nothing like what i expected, i really did think it was going to be peaches and roses... And aside from the fears, there are some things that may just be TMI, they may just be things that doctors go "well thats all part of being pregnant" and they may just be things that i probably would have realised if i had just actually thought about it...

So the Top Ten Things about pregnancy i really didnt expect / didnt even cross my mind.

1. Stretch marks, and no not on my belly - on my boobs WTF?
2. And speaking of boobs, they now rest on my belly when i am sitting down... humph - how uncomfortable!
3. Leg cramps, agonizing leg cramps that wake you in the night and make you scream to the heavens.. Twice now i have woken my husband up screaming in pain.
4. I am itchy all over, for no reason... What is that about?
5. Hair.... I have hair on my belly! Not too dark, but it is there - i can see it, and i have been told not too pluck... Someone please tell me that it falls out... That i am not permanently going to have a snail trail...?
6. Again, speaking of hair.... Why does the hair on my head grow so fast, yet fall out in chunks?
7. Indigestion, yup i got it, i got it good....
8. And here is the TMI bit... discharge, way to much of that for my liking...
9. Oh - blood noses, who ever knew that was a part of pregnancy?
10. More TMI, i am clogged like i have never been before, and the silly part, i am too scared to push... Yup you heard right... Someone pass me some more fibre?

Is there more to come? Have i neglected anything else here? Should i really be reading more about what to expect?  Please i beg of you - warn me, i am all ears because i am not too sure i need anymore 'nasty' surpises!

The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us. Ashley Montagu

This morning as i walked on the treadmill at the gym, i turned on the TV and there on The Early Show was some inspiration...

How many times in the past have i been down in the dumps, thinking of all the bad things in life, wondering how this world could be so cruel, wondering what was the point...  And as i watch the show i was reminded of some great advise that was once given to me, when you are feeling hard done by, when all seems lost, each day write down five good things that have happened, five awesome things that you love, and five things that made you smile...

Today The Early Show reminded me that while life can be overwhelming, while we can get so caught up in what we believe is important, we often forget that sometimes it really is about lifes little pleasures, about those five awesome things of each day.

So today i give you , my ten most awesome, the things that could cheer me up on the dullest of days...

1. My puppy's uncontrollable excitement as i open the front door
2. Laying on the cold tiles on a hot summers day
3. A warm glass of milk before bed
4. Snuggling my favorite childhood stuffed toy
5. Taking the pins out of my hair at the end of the day
6. Reheated homemade lasagna
7. Finding just enough money in the bottom of your bag for a skinny latte
8. Nutella out of the jar
9. A perfect sunrise, and my most awesome right now
10. Feeling my baby kick me, so that i know everything is ok

1000awesomethings.com

It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Last week i was hanging out with my sister and brother in law, and my niece came into the room with a saw finger or a cut, something i am sure was quite minor, any way i just happened to say to her "you'll be fine", and it got all of us thinking about all the "mumerisums" that our mums used to say to us, and well, what i should prepare my self to be spitting out in a couple of years time.

So today, i bring you the top ten mumerisums

1. You'll be fine or It'll grow back
2. Close the door! You don't live in a tent
3. Crusts make your hair go curly (wasnt my hair curly already?) or Carrots make you see in the dark (that one never worked!)
4. If I've told you once ... I've told you a thousand times
5. Lets play a game...  Sleeping lions!
6. If you pull a face like that, the wind will blow and it will stay that way forever!
7. Sitting that close to the TV makes your eyes go square
8. What's for dinner mum? - Food...
9. Do as I say, not as I do.  And my personal favorite...
10. A kiss will make it all better!

Mother is the one we count on for the things that matter most of all. Katherine Butler Hathaway

Being pregnant is the best thing that has ever happened to me, i am so excited about the prospect of meeting george i can hardly wait, but sometimes, just sometimes, there are things that i miss, but on that note there are things i dont miss as well... So today i am posting the top ten things i have missed, and not missed most since being pregnant....

1. I really dont miss watching everything i eat
2. I really miss all things processed... Peperoni & pineapple pizza, what i used to call 'dirty sausage' (a VERY fatty knackwurst type sausage) corned beef.. *sigh* finally i am allowed to eat, but alas none of the foods i would so desire!
3. I dont miss sucking in my belly because i think i look fat, now i know i look fat
4. I miss having a rear end that fits into my favorite jeans - dont worry they are tucked in the cupboard just waiting to be made the 'goal'
5. I dont miss jabbing myself in the belly each nite
6. I miss being able to bend over with out going 'uuurgh' or 'ooofff'
7. I dont miss pretending to be happy when i am not
8. I miss coffee, oh how i miss caffeine... i miss latte's in the morning, i miss lattes in the mid morning, i miss latte's in the afternoon, i miss latte's on the weekend...
9. I really dont miss the yearning, and heart ache, the envy, nor the pain of infertility, i dont miss the tears nor the gut wrenching sobbing that comes with them... And,
10. Finally i miss my mother, i have never really missed her so much than these last few months.  I know that things cant be changed but it hurts to know that she isnt here for this...

And to tell you the truth, while i was thinking of things i miss and dont miss i realised that there are a lot of things still the same... The waiting game is still in play, its not as hard, but it is certainly still being played.. The anxiety is still there.... The over emotions are still there, and the heart ache is still real...

But it is all for the better, things are certainly much better now then they have ever been...

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

I have been inspired by Simply Mel's post from tuesday... The top ten things i hate to do...  Just because well, we all hate doing stuff!

1. Hanging clothes on the clothes line... I resort to being a cheat and drying them in the dryer, i mean, how time consuming is picking up each individual item and pulling out two pegs and pegging it up? Urgh!
2. Reverse parking... I hate parking, especially going in backwards, for one the spaces are never big enough, and number two, the two times i have managed my way in a park, i have dented my car!
3. Washing my make up off at the end of the day..... *sigh* all i want to do when i get home is sleep... and dont tell me not to wear any, cause that isnt happening!
4. Going for a visit with wandy... Havent had to do that one for a while, but i can tell you after a year of twice a week, well i can think of much better things to do!
5. Farting.... They always come at the wrong time, and no matter how hard you try to keep them in, sometimes they just have to come out!
6. Skipping - have you ever tried skipping since you were an adult? Its not as easy as it was when you were a little girl
7. Wearing in new heals... no matter how sexy they are, or how comfortable they were when you tried them on, they always give you blisters the first time
8. Cleaning out my email inbox... It just takes too long
9. Taking Vitamins...  They are always too big to swallow, and always get stuck
10. And the thing that i hate doing most of all in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD... Weighing myself.... There are some things a woman just doesnt want to know!

Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated. Coretta Scott King

I began my journey with the top ten things they should warn you about IVF, now as i continue down my journey i give you the top ten things they should warn you before getting pregnant (and no i am not complaining or wishing i was anywhere but here, but they are funny, and i thought we could all do with a bit of humor at my own expense)

1. Dont forget the breath freshener - Vomiting a little and swallowing happens just a little too often
2. Buy a packet of tooth picks... No the vomit does not get stuck in your teeth, your eyes just need propping open in daylight hours
3. The thing where you check the toilet paper every time you go... nope that doesnt stop
4. Bigger boobs, sorer boobs, droopier boobs, it is all about boobs.  Waking up in the middle of the night and holding your boobs because they feel like they are touching the floor and pulling you down with them.... boobs its all about the boobs
5. Remember: your bladder is smaller.  Go for a pee before you go for an hour and a half walk and drink 1 litre of water... Because you wont make it home, i am telling you now, you wont make it home!
6. Fibre, prunes and pears.... you thought the clogged you got after the egg collection was bad... GOD! There are all sorts of weird happening inside of me!
7. Emotions - Full stop, no further explanation needed than, emotions
8. Zits, pimples, scars, acne... Did someone warp my skin back to 1997? (They tell me its the oestrogen levels)
9. Cankles, you now no longer have ankles, just a fluid filled cankles, that feels like you are pushing your feet out of your skin as you walk...
10. And all those questions you had to answer at the fertility clinic... GUESS WHAT? Yup you have to answer them again, and again, and again!"Do you know your name, your DOB, your address, your medicare number , when you had your last period, would you like to be on the mailing list, is your mucus light or heavy, is it clear or coloured, how much do you drink, do you smoke? std's, sexual partners, miscarriages? Blood tests? Ultrasounds, sign here, print there, initial over here, witness there" - again, are we having a baby or buying a house?

And i think i will add in a number 11, the most impoirtant thing they dont tell you before you fall pregnant

YOU DONT CARE! you dont care that you have to repeat your history a thousand times over, you dont care that you have to pee 24/7 but cant poop to save your life, you dont care that your toes dont touch the floor at the end of the day, and that you no longer have ankles, you dont care that you are slowly getting rounder than a beach ball, you dont care that you have to layer on the make up or that you are yelling one minute and crying the next - nope you just dont care!

Well i dont, i dont care one little iota, cause in 6 months time, there will be a miracle, and i know i just dont speak for myself when i say, that there are thousands of women out there who would happily give up more than their looks and dignity if it meant holding a child in their arms.

Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses

WEATHER FORECAST: - Today's post outlook is mainly sunny with a touch of sarcasm.  A word to the wise: before leaving your home, please remember to pull out your sarcastic hat, or alternatively a protective sarcasm umbrella would be advised...

I remember back in the day i was speaking to a woman about my infertility, she was pregnant for the second time, and each time had been very easy for them.  At the end of the conversation i just let out a sigh and said "why does it have to be so hard" and she very hastily responded with "no its not, just stop the pill" she didnt even realize what she had said to me, and how hurtful it was, and i doubt she ever will, but in her defense, well it was easy... Step one - stop taking the pill, period, end of steps...

So in honor of  all things that are never as they seem, i give you:

THE TOP TEN STEPS TO FALLING PREGNANT (what there are TEN whole steps?)

1. Stopped taking the pill

What your not pregnant?

2. Counted your cycle days

What your not pregnant?

3. Kept counting your cycle days, then timed baby dancing

What your still not pregnant?

4. Kept counting your cycle days, timed baby dancing, AND began using ovulation prediction kits

What how could you not be pregnant yet?

5. Kept counting your cycle days, timing baby dancing, using ovulation prediction kits, PLUS now you are temping as well?

What is wrong with you, you must be doing SOMETHING wrong!

6. Kept counting your cycle days, timing baby dancing, using ovulation prediction kits, you are temping, and you have seen your GP

Your still not pregnant? Have you concidered taking a holiday?

7. Stop counting, meet with fertility specalist, start taking the pill again

What kind of specialist is this telling you to go back on the pill? I know for a FACT that is not how you fall pregnant!

8. Start counting cycle days, start sniffing, start injecting, get eggs removed, get eggs and sperm put together, get embryo put back in you, wait...

Really, what is this specialist doing? how could you not be pregnant? They did put the thing back in you didnt they? Why arnt your pregnant then? It cant be that hard... really!

9. Repeat step 8

Now this is just silly, i think you should see another doctor, have you tried just relaxing? Maybe you should take another holiday?

10. Repeat step 8, give up all hope. get a puppy instead....

See i told you so! All you had to do was relax...

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. Thomas S. Szasz

1. Did you know that IVF stands for In vitro fertilisation, however it is also the acronym for Idiopathic Ventricular Fibrillation, Intervertebral Foramen, Intel Video Technology (filename extension), Intravascular Fluid (plasma), and Intra-Venous Fluids...
2. Did you know that "when in excess, estrogen promotes the growth of estrogen sensitive tissues, leading to an increased size of adipose (fat) tissues in the waist, belly and other estrogen sensitive fat tissues: For men, typically in the belly and chest; for women, in the belly, lower butt, upper thighs and sometimes in the back of the arms.  Estrogen sensitive fat tissues are also called "stubborn fat" due to their high resistance to fat burning. Generally, not even diet or exercise can help remove this estrogen sensitive tenacious fat. Excess estrogen works in a vicious cycle. Estrogen promotes fat gain, and the enlarged fat tissue produces more estrogen within its cells, which then promotes more fat gain, and so on." (http://www.dragondoor.com/articler/mode3/371/) and therefore when on HRT (Hormone replacement therapy - generally used in a frozen embryo cycle) we are SCREWED!
3. Did you know that a follicle needs to be 18mm or larger to contain a mature egg... So imagine your ovaries when there are about 10-15 follicles in there... hmm no wonder it hurts!
4. Did you know that miscarriage rates are the same in IVF as they are in normal pregnancys? However eptopic pregnancy (where the embryo implants in the fallopian tubes) is HIGHER in IVF pregnancy's... Bizzar considering the embryos are transfered back into your uterus...
5. Did you know that the first IVF baby was born on the 25 July 1978, her name is Louise Brown.
6. Did you know that the sucess rates of IVF vary between 40 - 50% depending on your age... My husband once said to me that he wouldnt bet that much money on those odds...
7. Did you know that they say that embryos do not like heat... This means that hot showers, excersize, heat packs, or standing too close to a flame are all out of the question, making the IVF 2ww even more enjoyable then it already is!
8. Did you know that a fertalised egg is called a zygote...  The zygot continues to divide, creating an inner group of cells with an outer shell. This stage is called a blastocyst. The inner group of cells will become the embryo, while the outer group of cells will become the membranes that nourish and protect it. (http://www.umm.edu/ency/article/002398.htm) Did you also know that the blastocyst 'hatches'....
9. Did you know that somewhere along the lines i read an article that said 40% of IVF babies are twins, compared with 1-2% of the general population
10. And Did you know that without IVF, thousands of couple all over the world would not have the opportunity for the chance of a family, and as hard as it is did you know that i am grateful that i have that 40% chance of having an IVF baby, and did - you - know that i wouldnt change anything i have chosen to do this year...

The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery. Anais Nin

Okay - funny story... its about time for one...

So last thursday night husband and i went out for dinner with the inlaws and family, it was my sister in laws birthday.  Unbeknown to me, my husbands aunt, uncle and cousin came, not that that was a problem, they are a lovely family...

My husbands cousin is 29 weeks pregnant, again not a problem...

So we get to ordering dinner, which with the inlaws in itself is a funny story... imagine 12 people all taking to a little Chinese lady at once, the very little english speaking Chinese lady takes the order... then 6 people leave the table, the other six move to the other end of the table, the first 6 return to the table, obviously sitting in different positions, then the chinese lady returns to confirm the order and is quite confused as everyone has changed seats... guess you had to be there!

Anyway so my husbands cousin get to ordering pork in some sort of sauce, the little Chinese lady, asks if she would like pork or beef, she doesnt know, then husbands aunt says "are you allowed to eat pork?" cousin "oh  i dont know" uncle "i dont know" my mother in law, and husbands aunt then turn to me and give me the look that says "well can she eat pork?"  So what do i do? without even thinking, and i am not even sure if anyone heard me (apart from my sister in law) said "how should i know? i cant even get pregnant!" ....

ummm my sister in law turns my way and says my name in that hi pitch tone that means i over stepped the line... ekkkk silence......

DOH! - think i said the wrong thing.. and maybe its not such a funny story, it was at the time, im thinking it was one of those, had to be there moments...?

Anyway it just got me thinking tonight...

TOP TEN AWKWARD INFERTILITY MOMENTS SO FAR!

1. Blurting out what you really think in the middle of a restaurant
2. Sitting, no sorry wriggling, in front of a scientist who so polity asks "is your bladder a little too full love?"
3. Blurting out in the middle of the office "ahhh my ovaries" and yes yes it does raise questions...
4. Grabbing your pessaries out of the fridge only to be asked by an 8 year old "what is that?" ummm they are ummm... gotto go!
5. In the midst of showing the family your blog, accidentally ending up on the page that boldly talks about baby dancing
6. And on the subject of baby dancing... having to tell husband that he must ' off load' because the doctor says so...
7. Spontaneous crying in the middle of a monday morning meeting, yes yes i did cry in front of the entire sales staff!
8. Telling, no no assuring, the nurse that you are fine after the egg pick up, getting dressed and then yup you guessed it... passing out
9. Standing in the city car park elevator with your cooler bag full of hormones, and then another lady runs into the elevator with the same coloured cooler bag... the silence is broken with "egg pick up today" "me too"... what the hell do you say to that?!
10. Hmmm awkward awkward awkward... ah yes, how could i forget? The way people look at you when you goo and gaa over new babies, you know what they are thinking, they know you know what they are thinking... and then you say 'i want one'...

Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously. Og Mandino

Yesterday my dream of becoming a mommy was taken away from me once more and put on a shelf well out of my reach.  I'm not quite sure why, and im not even sure there is even a meaning or reason behind this infertility pain, but today i woke up and as i noticed people beginning to get excited about their holiday of thanks, i realized that i can not wallow, i can not let this defeat me, i must remember all the great things in my life, and once again dust of my skirt, take a deep breath, and be grateful for the opportunity that the month of december will bring, and who knows, maybe there will be a little magic this christmas in the IVF clinic...

THE TEN THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR IN 2009

1. I am thankful that i have an understanding and caring husband that no matter what will stand by me and tell me that everything will be okay.  A man who each month of this past year has picked me off the bathroom floor and put me back together again
2. I am thankful for my Angell's - for without them i wouldnt have this blog, i wouldnt have half as much hope as i have right now, and i wouldnt have the times when there was nothing more to say than just a simple i love you
3. I am thankful for my health, i am thankful that i can run, and i am thankful that each day i am able to wake up and feel alive and well
4. I am thankful for the sunrise and the inspiration that it gives me, without it i dont think i would have half as much faith that i do
5. I am thankful for my job, while sometimes it is hard, and while sometimes i wish i could do my work better, i have a good job, and earn a good living, and work with some of the most understanding people i know
6. I am thankful that IVF in Aus is affordable, and while the Government is changing the rules i am grateful that this year i was able to do three full IVF cycles, and recieve a conciderable amount back.
7. I am thankful for my family, and my family in laws, without their support i again would not have gotten this far through.  I am especally greatful for my step sister, she helps me everyday through my faith, and even yesterday gave me a verse to remember to trust in the Lord, and all the wonder he has to offer
8. I am thankful that i have a roof over my head, food on the table and the clothes on my back
9. I am thankful for those little moments, the ones where you realise just who you are and what you have right now, the ones where yesterday's nightmares will remain in the past, where tomorrows fears will remain in the the future, and all there is is right here right now - and it is just perfect
10. And lastly i am thankful for the past 65 days.  I have gone through hell and back, i have struggled, i have cried, i have had my heart broken to the point where i did not think the pieces would fit back together, but without that, without the past 65 days, without my infertility, without the courage i found to share my journey, without that, i would not have found the friends that i found, i would not have met the people that i now talk to every day.  I would not have had the opportunity to meet such a great support network, i would not have found out just how many people out there share my pain, and understand what i am going through, i would not know the love of perfect strangers, that somehow know just how much a *hug* can mean when you are hurting so much.  And without the past 65 days i would never know that by just sharing my story i would be able to give others hope, inspiration, faith and peace within - even if it was just for a brief moment.

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to thank with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." Albert Schweitzer

No its not the movie! Just another top ten... My week is almost complete i have one more sleep until my transfer and i am sooo nervous excited and scared, for those of you who pray - say a little prayer for my my husband and my precious embie - may we all have peace within, may we have faith and believe...

Ten Things I hate about you (IF)

1. I hate the way you make me so frustrated and angry
2. I hate the way you make me feel like i hate my husband
3. I hate the way you make me ponder the meaning of life and my very existence
4. I hate the way you make everything from my nipples to my ovaries through my uterus and back again hurt like nothing has ever hurt before
5. I hate the way you make me so very envious of everything and everyone pregnant
6. I hate the way you make me forget how blessed i really am
7. I hate the way you make me have to put things up my ‘jin jar’ that i really shouldn’t have to put up there
8. I hate the way you make me cry, scream and hurt from places so deep i cannot describe them
9. I hate the way you make me analyse everything, every little cringe every little tingle, every little spot on the toilet paper, nothing is un analysable
10. I hate the way you make me so angry, so frustrated, so irritated, so hurt that i just cant breath, think or do anything but HATE YOU!

“Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire.” Kurt Tucholsky