Twenty-Four Weeks. Two Days. Day 172 in the quest to meet our little miracle George

Last week i was hanging out with my sister and brother in law, and my niece came into the room with a saw finger or a cut, something i am sure was quite minor, any way i just happened to say to her “you’ll be fine”, and it got all of us thinking about all the “mumerisums” that our mums used to say to us, and well, what i should prepare my self to be spitting out in a couple of years time.

So today, i bring you the top ten mumerisums

1. You’ll be fine or It’ll grow back
2. Close the door! You don’t live in a tent
3. Crusts make your hair go curly (wasnt my hair curly already?) or Carrots make you see in the dark (that one never worked!)
4. If I’ve told you once … I’ve told you a thousand times
5. Lets play a game…  Sleeping lions!
6. If you pull a face like that, the wind will blow and it will stay that way forever!
7. Sitting that close to the TV makes your eyes go square
8. What’s for dinner mum? – Food…
9. Do as I say, not as I do.  And my personal favorite…
10. A kiss will make it all better!

Mother is the one we count on for the things that matter most of all. Katherine Butler Hathaway

Nineteen Weeks, Six Days. Day 140 in the quest to meet our little miracle George

Being pregnant is the best thing that has ever happened to me, i am so excited about the prospect of meeting george i can hardly wait, but sometimes, just sometimes, there are things that i miss, but on that note there are things i dont miss as well… So today i am posting the top ten things i have missed, and not missed most since being pregnant….

1. I really dont miss watching everything i eat
2. I really miss all things processed… Peperoni & pineapple pizza, what i used to call ‘dirty sausage’ (a VERY fatty knackwurst type sausage) corned beef.. *sigh* finally i am allowed to eat, but alas none of the foods i would so desire!
3. I dont miss sucking in my belly because i think i look fat, now i know i look fat
4. I miss having a rear end that fits into my favorite jeans – dont worry they are tucked in the cupboard just waiting to be made the ‘goal’
5. I dont miss jabbing myself in the belly each nite
6. I miss being able to bend over with out going ‘uuurgh’ or ‘ooofff’
7. I dont miss pretending to be happy when i am not
8. I miss coffee, oh how i miss caffeine… i miss latte’s in the morning, i miss lattes in the mid morning, i miss latte’s in the afternoon, i miss latte’s on the weekend…
9. I really dont miss the yearning, and heart ache, the envy, nor the pain of infertility, i dont miss the tears nor the gut wrenching sobbing that comes with them… And,
10. Finally i miss my mother, i have never really missed her so much than these last few months.  I know that things cant be changed but it hurts to know that she isnt here for this…

And to tell you the truth, while i was thinking of things i miss and dont miss i realised that there are a lot of things still the same… The waiting game is still in play, its not as hard, but it is certainly still being played.. The anxiety is still there…. The over emotions are still there, and the heart ache is still real…

But it is all for the better, things are certainly much better now then they have ever been…

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

Sixteen Weeks, two days. Day 116 in the quest to chase our little miracle

I have been inspired by Simply Mel’s post from tuesday… The top ten things i hate to do…  Just because well, we all hate doing stuff!

1. Hanging clothes on the clothes line… I resort to being a cheat and drying them in the dryer, i mean, how time consuming is picking up each individual item and pulling out two pegs and pegging it up? Urgh!
2. Reverse parking… I hate parking, especially going in backwards, for one the spaces are never big enough, and number two, the two times i have managed my way in a park, i have dented my car!
3. Washing my make up off at the end of the day….. *sigh* all i want to do when i get home is sleep… and dont tell me not to wear any, cause that isnt happening!
4. Going for a visit with wandy… Havent had to do that one for a while, but i can tell you after a year of twice a week, well i can think of much better things to do!
5. Farting…. They always come at the wrong time, and no matter how hard you try to keep them in, sometimes they just have to come out!
6. Skipping – have you ever tried skipping since you were an adult? Its not as easy as it was when you were a little girl
7. Wearing in new heals… no matter how sexy they are, or how comfortable they were when you tried them on, they always give you blisters the first time
8. Cleaning out my email inbox… It just takes too long
9. Taking Vitamins…  They are always too big to swallow, and always get stuck
10. And the thing that i hate doing most of all in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD… Weighing myself…. There are some things a woman just doesnt want to know!

Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated. Coretta Scott King

Fifteen Weeks, six days. Day 113 in the quest to chase our little miracle

I began my journey with the top ten things they should warn you about IVF, now as i continue down my journey i give you the top ten things they should warn you before getting pregnant (and no i am not complaining or wishing i was anywhere but here, but they are funny, and i thought we could all do with a bit of humor at my own expense)

1. Dont forget the breath freshener – Vomiting a little and swallowing happens just a little too often
2. Buy a packet of tooth picks… No the vomit does not get stuck in your teeth, your eyes just need propping open in daylight hours
3. The thing where you check the toilet paper every time you go… nope that doesnt stop
4. Bigger boobs, sorer boobs, droopier boobs, it is all about boobs.  Waking up in the middle of the night and holding your boobs because they feel like they are touching the floor and pulling you down with them…. boobs its all about the boobs
5. Remember: your bladder is smaller.  Go for a pee before you go for an hour and a half walk and drink 1 litre of water… Because you wont make it home, i am telling you now, you wont make it home!
6. Fibre, prunes and pears…. you thought the clogged you got after the egg collection was bad… GOD! There are all sorts of weird happening inside of me!
7. Emotions – Full stop, no further explanation needed than, emotions
8. Zits, pimples, scars, acne… Did someone warp my skin back to 1997? (They tell me its the oestrogen levels)
9. Cankles, you now no longer have ankles, just a fluid filled cankles, that feels like you are pushing your feet out of your skin as you walk…
10. And all those questions you had to answer at the fertility clinic… GUESS WHAT? Yup you have to answer them again, and again, and again!”Do you know your name, your DOB, your address, your medicare number , when you had your last period, would you like to be on the mailing list, is your mucus light or heavy, is it clear or coloured, how much do you drink, do you smoke? std’s, sexual partners, miscarriages? Blood tests? Ultrasounds, sign here, print there, initial over here, witness there” – again, are we having a baby or buying a house?

And i think i will add in a number 11, the most impoirtant thing they dont tell you before you fall pregnant

YOU DONT CARE! you dont care that you have to repeat your history a thousand times over, you dont care that you have to pee 24/7 but cant poop to save your life, you dont care that your toes dont touch the floor at the end of the day, and that you no longer have ankles, you dont care that you are slowly getting rounder than a beach ball, you dont care that you have to layer on the make up or that you are yelling one minute and crying the next – nope you just dont care!

Well i dont, i dont care one little iota, cause in 6 months time, there will be a miracle, and i know i just dont speak for myself when i say, that there are thousands of women out there who would happily give up more than their looks and dignity if it meant holding a child in their arms.

Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses

Did you know that today is Day eleven of the final full IVF cycle in our quest to chase our little miracle - and i took 125 iu’s FSH plus an Orgalutran injection…

1. Did you know that IVF stands for In vitro fertilisation, however it is also the acronym for Idiopathic Ventricular Fibrillation, Intervertebral Foramen, Intel Video Technology (filename extension), Intravascular Fluid (plasma), and Intra-Venous Fluids…
2. Did you know that “when in excess, estrogen promotes the growth of estrogen sensitive tissues, leading to an increased size of adipose (fat) tissues in the waist, belly and other estrogen sensitive fat tissues: For men, typically in the belly and chest; for women, in the belly, lower butt, upper thighs and sometimes in the back of the arms.  Estrogen sensitive fat tissues are also called “stubborn fat” due to their high resistance to fat burning. Generally, not even diet or exercise can help remove this estrogen sensitive tenacious fat. Excess estrogen works in a vicious cycle. Estrogen promotes fat gain, and the enlarged fat tissue produces more estrogen within its cells, which then promotes more fat gain, and so on.” (http://www.dragondoor.com/articler/mode3/371/) and therefore when on HRT (Hormone replacement therapy – generally used in a frozen embryo cycle) we are SCREWED!
3. Did you know that a follicle needs to be 18mm or larger to contain a mature egg… So imagine your ovaries when there are about 10-15 follicles in there… hmm no wonder it hurts!
4. Did you know that miscarriage rates are the same in IVF as they are in normal pregnancys? However eptopic pregnancy (where the embryo implants in the fallopian tubes) is HIGHER in IVF pregnancy’s… Bizzar considering the embryos are transfered back into your uterus…
5. Did you know that the first IVF baby was born on the 25 July 1978, her name is Louise Brown.
6. Did you know that the sucess rates of IVF vary between 40 – 50% depending on your age… My husband once said to me that he wouldnt bet that much money on those odds…
7. Did you know that they say that embryos do not like heat… This means that hot showers, excersize, heat packs, or standing too close to a flame are all out of the question, making the IVF 2ww even more enjoyable then it already is!
8. Did you know that a fertalised egg is called a zygote…  The zygot continues to divide, creating an inner group of cells with an outer shell. This stage is called a blastocyst. The inner group of cells will become the embryo, while the outer group of cells will become the membranes that nourish and protect it. (http://www.umm.edu/ency/article/002398.htm) Did you also know that the blastocyst ‘hatches’….
9. Did you know that somewhere along the lines i read an article that said 40% of IVF babies are twins, compared with 1-2% of the general population
10. And Did you know that without IVF, thousands of couple all over the world would not have the opportunity for the chance of a family, and as hard as it is did you know that i am grateful that i have that 40% chance of having an IVF baby, and did – you – know that i wouldnt change anything i have chosen to do this year…

The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery. Anais Nin

Day ten of the final full IVF cycle in our quest to chase our little miracle - 125 iu’s FSH plus Orgalutran injection

Okay – funny story… its about time for one…

So last thursday night husband and i went out for dinner with the inlaws and family, it was my sister in laws birthday.  Unbeknown to me, my husbands aunt, uncle and cousin came, not that that was a problem, they are a lovely family…

My husbands cousin is 29 weeks pregnant, again not a problem…

So we get to ordering dinner, which with the inlaws in itself is a funny story… imagine 12 people all taking to a little Chinese lady at once, the very little english speaking Chinese lady takes the order… then 6 people leave the table, the other six move to the other end of the table, the first 6 return to the table, obviously sitting in different positions, then the chinese lady returns to confirm the order and is quite confused as everyone has changed seats… guess you had to be there!

Anyway so my husbands cousin get to ordering pork in some sort of sauce, the little Chinese lady, asks if she would like pork or beef, she doesnt know, then husbands aunt says “are you allowed to eat pork?” cousin “oh  i dont know” uncle “i dont know” my mother in law, and husbands aunt then turn to me and give me the look that says “well can she eat pork?”  So what do i do? without even thinking, and i am not even sure if anyone heard me (apart from my sister in law) said “how should i know? i cant even get pregnant!” ….

ummm my sister in law turns my way and says my name in that hi pitch tone that means i over stepped the line… ekkkk silence……

DOH! – think i said the wrong thing.. and maybe its not such a funny story, it was at the time, im thinking it was one of those, had to be there moments…?

Anyway it just got me thinking tonight…

TOP TEN AWKWARD INFERTILITY MOMENTS SO FAR!

1. Blurting out what you really think in the middle of a restaurant
2. Sitting, no sorry wriggling, in front of a scientist who so polity asks “is your bladder a little too full love?”
3. Blurting out in the middle of the office “ahhh my ovaries” and yes yes it does raise questions…
4. Grabbing your pessaries out of the fridge only to be asked by an 8 year old “what is that?” ummm they are ummm… gotto go!
5. In the midst of showing the family your blog, accidentally ending up on the page that boldly talks about baby dancing
6. And on the subject of baby dancing… having to tell husband that he must ‘ off load’ because the doctor says so…
7. Spontaneous crying in the middle of a monday morning meeting, yes yes i did cry in front of the entire sales staff!
8. Telling, no no assuring, the nurse that you are fine after the egg pick up, getting dressed and then yup you guessed it… passing out
9. Standing in the city car park elevator with your cooler bag full of hormones, and then another lady runs into the elevator with the same coloured cooler bag… the silence is broken with “egg pick up today” “me too”… what the hell do you say to that?!
10. Hmmm awkward awkward awkward… ah yes, how could i forget? The way people look at you when you goo and gaa over new babies, you know what they are thinking, they know you know what they are thinking… and then you say ‘i want one’…

Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously. Og Mandino