Day Forty Eight of 100 – The Top Ten things you DON'T want this Christmas

November 9, 2009 0 Comments

Day 19 FET Cycle -Progynova 2mg 3x daily, Progresterone Crione 8% 3x daily

Christmas is just around the corner, i wish it wasnt so… so much to do, so little time!  And in honor of a friend asking me what i would like this year for christmas – i bring you

THE TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON’T WANT THIS CHRISTMAS

  1. Another ‘how to’ make a baby book – do you think that after 5 years, we’re really not sure HOW TO?
  2. Another family member announcing their ‘big news’ – whether it be on face book, space page, twitter, standing at the dinner table or under the Christmas tree – I DONT WANT TO KNOW!
  3. Aunty Flow making a surprise visit
  4. The doctor taking a three week ski vacation – my ovaries have been on holiday for years – it doesn’t make them work any harder or feel any better when they do decide to come back to work!
  5. Hormonal induced rampages of insanity… This one needs no explanation
  6. Sympathetic eyes cast in your direction as you throw down the last glass in your third bottle of wine
  7. Being told – just one more time -  to relax, or if you are taking a holiday – i swear if ONE more person asks, tells, or even breaths a word of a holiday or ‘relaxing’ ARGH!
  8. Last years christmas sweater not fitting you not because there is a belly in the way, but because you have been drowning your sorrows in food
  9. A visit from a family friend who just happens to be a shrink, and
  10. Another 365 days of TTC

“Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want some. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing” Eric Hoffer

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Day Forty Seven of 100 – The Week of Top Ten

November 8, 2009 0 Comments

Day 18 FET Cycle -Progynova 2mg 3x daily

Last week was very average.  And after a long day in the sun admiring the perfect scenery that the Australian coast has to offer, i have decided that this week is going to be a ‘top’ week, and in honor of all things ‘top’ i have set myself a challenge for the week: to create a top ten list each day until Friday the 13th – a top day for a transfer – no no for ‘the’ transfer…

To begin my Top Ten, today i give you

waiting

THE TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO WHILE PLAYING THE WAITING GAME

  1. Google – I told you to step away from Dr Google!
  2. Become an instant interior designer – no you will not design a nursery until you are actually pregnant
  3. Stand in front of the mirror, pushing your belly out as far as it will go, wondering what you will look like when you are pregnant – dont lie, you know you’ve done it
  4. Eat for two – that extra chocolate biscuit DOES NOT have your name on it
  5. Stare at pregnant ladies – they know your looking
  6. Wonder how you are going to afford the next round – address that only when the time comes
  7. Wallow in self pity – there will be time for that later
  8. Analyse the toilet paper, Analyse your stomach gurgling, Analyse cramping, Analyse breast tenderness, Analysing anything – just stop Analysing – thats enough already!
  9. Stare into oblivion… Because when you snap out of it you will realise you are standing in the dyper isle of the grocery store
  10. Think – we all know where that leads – if only we could just stop thinking!

Now be honest – what have you shamidly done while playing the waiting game?

“How much of human life is lost in waiting.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Day Thirty Five of 100 – The Top Ten Answers to that Dreaded Question!

October 27, 2009 0 Comments

Day 6 FET Cycle -Progynova 2mg 3x daily

With 300 days of the year gone, 35 days into my 1oo day count down, and with only 58 sleeps until santa comes, as well as being inspired by 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility latest blog i bring you…

The Top Ten Answers to that Dreaded Question!

You know the question – the one that always pops up around this time of year.  The one that you dread for fear of running to the closest toilet, slamming the door, and falling in a heap of tears on the cold tiles.  The question that ol’ Auntie May always has to announce at the dinner table, no matter how many pairs of evil eyes are trying to stare her down…

old lady

Thats right girls this year we are going to be prepared! And while preparing the Christmas ham, or basting the turkey i want you to memorise at least one of the following anwers… So when Auntie May comes a calling – you will not run off bawling!

  1. When my ovaries decide to come back from their extended holiday
  2. When my DH sperm complete their swimming training
  3. I’m sorry our embryos are just just on defrost, should be ready in five
  4. We are just not quite sure how exactly to make a baby… Could you explain how it works?
  5. Well we were actually hoping that Santa would leave one on our door step, but apparently we sent the letter to the wrong fictional character – should have sent our wish list to the stalk… dam, do you have his address?
  6. We already have children – Fur children… Curly the Cat and oodles the poodle
  7. Children YUCK! Who would want smelly, dirty, screaming, pooping children..? Not us :(
  8. Oh we just thought we would skip the procreation section of our lives
  9. Auntie May, Auntie May, FIRE FIRE FIRE… Your Turkey is on fire in the kitchen – GO GO quick find the extinguisher
  10. When pigs fly, when cupcakes have no calories, when world hunger is a thing of the past, when the Coyote catches the road runner, and when two parallel lines finally meet

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Winston Churchill

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Day Twenty Nine of 100 – #Fail

October 21, 2009 0 Comments

End of IVF Cycle

FAIL

Today i woke up and said that today was going to be a  good day, that today was going to be my day.   Today was not my day, today was not a good day.  Today i failed… Yes that is right END of IVF cycle.

Today after 26 days – 10 days of needles 3 days of intense pain, 5 days of anticipation, 8 days of emotional torment, and four thousand dollars – bled out of me.

It is over and i am numb.

There is nothing i can do…  But go on. There are 71 more days to go in my journey and i must go on, pick myself up and try again, this is the challenge…

So in the spirit of all things not pregnant, my top ten things that i am going to go and do… Humor me – it is the best ive got right now without being suicidal… (that there is a joke)

  1. I am going to wake up at the crack of dawn and go for a super long and super fast run, ended by a massive sprint
  2. I am going to drink 1 massi 3 shot skinny latte, followed by 1 large 2 shot skinny latte, followed by 1 regular 1 shot skinny latte, followed by maybe another afternoon regular
  3. I am going to get a Brazilian wax
  4. I am going to buy a dress that fits me now, and that will only look good on me when i am 60kg
  5. I am going to line up all of my heels from shortest to tallest, pick the highest of high stilettos and wear them all day
  6. I am going to take a strong knock me out kind of pain relief for these bloody cramps
  7. I am going to have a glass of wine with my dinner
  8. I am going to wallow in self pity – just a little
  9. I am going to drink some more coffee
  10. And finally i am going to pick myself up, call the nurse and get back to the doctor as soon as i can – because in the end what else can i do? Cry?

“Que Sera, Sera, Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours, to see. Que Sera, Sera What will be, will be…..” Doris day

Filed Under: IVF, Top Ten

Day Twenty Four of 100- Survival of the toughest

October 16, 2009 0 Comments

Day twenty-two of IVF cycle – 7 sleeps until first blood test, 10 sleeps until confirmation blood test.

lion

Some say that survival techniques are the only things that will get us through…. Maybe they are maybe they are not, i know i need them – just as i know that i am tougher than any woman that hasnt been through IVF and just as i know that i am stronger and wiser for having survived to this point.

top ten tips

  1. Start every morning with an inspirational quote
  2. Have enough hope to put a smile on your face, but not enough to cause depressive disappointment
  3. Have humor, laugh at yourself and what you are experiencing
  4. Do not be afraid to find out who your real friends are
  5. Be prepared to spend every last cent
  6. Stand in front of the mirror naked and LOVE IT
  7. Look into they eyes of your lifelong partner and know that only true love can stand the test of infertility
  8. Take note that envy and jealousy are just part of the experience
  9. Dont be afraid to want to give up…
  10. But never ever actually give up

“Written in Chinese the word crisis is composed of two characters.  One represents danger, and the other opportunity.”  John F Kennedy

Filed Under: IVF, Top Ten

Day Twenty One of 100 – The Eleventh thing you will learn thoughout the duration of IVF

October 13, 2009 0 Comments

Day Nineteen of IVF cycle – 10 sleeps until first blood test, 13 sleeps until confirmation blood test.

By a massive lapse in judgment i have missed one of the most important things that you will learn thoughtout the duration of an IVF cycle

Side effects – they are now your new best friend!

There is nothing more exciting to look forward to than reading the pamphlet that the nurse has just handed to you with your new bunch of drugs…

I am now nearly 20 days into my cycle, i have stimulated the ovaries, gone through the EPU, managed to get to ET and now it is the waiting game, drugs are finally finished right? WRONG! If you thought the needles and injections were fun, wait till you get to know the next part… and this might just be classified as ‘too much information’ (much like most of this post) however it is part of the story, so you know – either suck it up and read on… or stop now…your choice, but dont say i didnt warn you!

And the side effects involved…

Now not many people actually read the instruction leaflet, but in this situation i thought it might be required as this new hormone is not swallowed in pill form, not injected, it is inserted… and has a wonderful and descriptive name “Vaginal Gel” so before i jumped into this i wanted to make sure i was ‘inserting’ it correctly.

So i am sitting on the loo reading this leaflet, preparing to insert my first dose of the gel, and i come across the section titled Side Effects.

To my horror and humor in small little print came the following statement:-

“Very common side effects

  • feelings of severe sadness and unworthiness
  • feeling emotional
  • decreased sexual drive
  • sleepiness
  • constipation, nausea
  • passing urine at night
  • cramps, abdominal pain, perineal pain (around the genital & the back passage)
  • headache
  • breast enlargement or breast pain

Common side effects

  • bloating, pain
  • dizziness
  • vaginal discharge, itching of the vaginal area, vaginal thrush
  • diarrhoea, vomiting
  • painful sexual intercourse
  • painful joints

This is not a complete list of all possible side effects. Others may occur in some people and there may be some side  effects not yet known”

Now not everyone gets all side effects, i know that, and yes they have to give you ALL of the possible side effects, i’m no hypochondriac, however, i have been on these hormones for a week now… and if you asked my husband and coworkers to describe me in one short sentence it would be:

crazyA normal girl turned instantly teary then instantly overly cheerful, turned grumpy, crazed B-i -A–c-h

And not only am i emotionally exhausted but i really have sore boobs, a bloated belly, as well as constipated (to the point where prunes are not helping) and i now raise about three times a night to pee… PLUS, and at the risk once more of ‘too much information’ this is a warning to all those with sensitive ears, leave now…PLUS i have cottage cheese like discharge!

Annnnnnnnd – apparently this is normal!  (insert sarcasm here)

So for those of you thinking the clomid was bad… think again!

“When things are bad take comfort on the thought that they could always be worse.  And when they are we find HOPE in the thought that things are so bad they can only get better.” Anon

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Day Seventeen of 100 – The Ten things you will learn throughout the duration of IVF

October 9, 2009 0 Comments

Day  fifteen of IVF cycle -

To continue on from my post Day eleven – The ten things they should warn you before your first IVF appointment i bring you ten thing that you will learn throughout the duration of IVF…

  1. The Female reproductive system:- What a follicle is, how large it must be to ovulate, how long an egg lives, where the egg and sperm meet…female-ancestor-2
  2. The Male reproductive system:- How long sperm lives, what a good sperm count is, what a good sperm mobility count should be, how long it takes for sperm to generate, how many days before EPU he should ejaculate, how many days before EPU he must withstand from ejaculating…
  3. That you are now overly qualified to give your nieces and nephews their sex education classes
  4. That the white fuzz on the ultrasound machine actually means something
  5. That you REALLY did have to lose your modesty -  as now not only the doctor, the nurse, and three scientists have seen your un groomed “who-ha” they also almost got pee’d on by you because your bladder was just that little too full at embryo transfer…
  6. That self embarrassment has a whole new level.  There is a point in your life where you must realize that talking about discharge or your partners sperm count is generally classified as “too much information”cry
  7. That unexplained crying will forever remain unexplained.  See a baby – cry.  See a pregnant lady – cry.  See a fat person, assume they are pregnant – cry.  See nappies on sale at the grocer – cry.  Rub your belly – cry.  Cry for no reason.  Cry in the am.  Cry in the pm.  Cry because you are crying.
  8. That when people tell you, you “just need a holiday” or “just relax” or “arn’t you just being a little impatient” they are just trying to help… They really have NO idea, so just nod and smile, nod and smile
  9. That patience is a virtue you dont have, and that the most important thing you will be warned of and the most important thing you will learn throughout the duration of IVF is,
  10. That you and your partner may just be contemplating life without children…


“You have learned something.  That always feels at first as if you had lost something.”  ~H.G. Wells

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Day Thirteen of 100 – The top ten emotions you should most watch out for while on IVF hormones

October 5, 2009 0 Comments

Drollercoasteray eleven of IVF cycle - THE BIGGEST ROLLER COASTER RIDE YET!

125 iu’s FSH, Orgalutran injection PLUS Overdril (trigger injection), three needles tonight, feeling tired bloated, sick, at the limits of my pain threshold, emotions running wild…  but thats it, after 8.30pm tonight, no more needles!  Yip, yip, yippie!  Egg pickup only 36 hours away… quality not quantity nurse rachael says… we want quality… and i am praying for good little googy eggs…

So today was a BAD day, i was sick, sore, extraordinarily busy and very very hormonal… and in my frazzled state of mind i may have accidentally overreacted, so in honor of a twenty year friendship down the tube due to hormones i have decided to pass on what i have discovered today for all to  learn from…

The top ten emotions that will sneak up on you at any given moment, while you are on an IVF cycle are:

  1. Depression: despair, sadness, misery, hopelessness, gloominess, melancholy, dejection, unhappiness…
  2. Regret: feel sorry, disappointment, apologetic, repentant, remorseful, shame…
  3. Frustration: aggravation, irritation, disturbance, annoyance, dissatisfaction…
  4. Anxiety: nervous, worried, concerned, uneasy, apprehensive, restless, fretful, fearful…
  5. Confusion: bewilderment, perplexity, puzzlement, uncertainty, misunderstanding…
  6. Excitement: enthusiasm, thrill, anticipation…
  7. Inspired: encouraged, motivated, enthused, stimulated, stirred, moved…
  8. Joy: delight, happiness, pleasure, enjoyment, bliss, elation, thrill…
  9. Anger: annoyance, irritation, fury, rage…
  10. Overreacting: exaggerate, dramatize, be melodramatic, over the top, react excessively…

While these emotion are not uncommon to anyone else on this planet, the difference between emotions, and IVF emotions are that they are not only felt 1,000,000 times more powerfully. They are ALL felt in a very short time frame, and all jumbled up intermingled with each other, eating your brain up, consuming every thought you have…

A prime example of this was demonstrated today.  The emotional roller coaster of me all began at 9.46am with an email, yes an email sent me mad today, and as the message went back and forth, and back and forth, and back again, well this is what transpired emotionally…

9.46am – Inspired

10.31am – Frustrated

10.46am – Angery

10.50am – At this point i think i overreacted

11.01am – Then came the regret

11.31am – Then AGAIN Frustrated

11.43am – And a little more regret

11.58am – Then Confusion

12.01pm – Joy, only given by the fact that it was lunch time)

12.28pm – Then back to the desk and it hits: Depression

1.03pm – Then the REAL feelings and emotions emerged…

1.04pm – misunderstanding excitement depression sadness misery hopelessness melancholy dejection unhappiness regret feel sorry elation disappointment  apologetic repentant remorseful shame aggravation irritation disturbance dissatisfaction anxiety nervous worried concerned uneasy apprehensive despair restless fretful fearful confusion uncertainty thrill anticipation inspired encouraged enthused stimulated stirred moved joy delight happiness thrill anger annoyance irritation fury rage overreacting exaggerate dramatize be melodramatic over the top bewilderment perplexity puzzlement pleasure enjoyment bliss frustration react excessively annoyance gloominess enthusiasm motivated….

1.06pm – if u cant tell i am hormonal, at work, busy, & MY OVARIES HURT! Bloody hell! And still the rest of the day to survive…

5.23pm – i survived, i made it through the day!  Unfortunately my BF of 20yrs is no longer talking to me, and doesnt understand that the emotions i felt today, and the reactions that occurred were somewhat out of my control.  I wish i could say that i have learnt something, and i wish that i could say that i will never ever overreact again, but chances are i will.  There are still many more hormones to be pumped into my body over the next three weeks, and still many more emotions that i will feel 100 times more powerfully then i expect.  I feel that i cannot live in regret, what happened today happened, they way i acted may have seemed inexcusable, and i am truly sorry for hurting someone i love, but in the end i shouldn’t have to be anyone but myself  i can’t help it, i am who i am. I’ve done nothing recently but bare my soul and be honest about who and what i am. If the truth that comes in the way of hormone enhanced emotions cannot be handled, then so be it.  I tired, and i think i failed, but

“The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall.” Vince Lombardi

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Day Eleven of 100 – The 10 things they should warn you before your first IVF appointment

October 3, 2009 0 Comments

Day nine of IVF cycle – 125 iu’s FSH PLUS Orgalutran injection, today i was on bed rest, 15 follicles on my RHS gave me quite a lot of pain.  I have been quite concerned with this OHSS and am praying for good quality eggs for my retrieval on wednesday.  In hope to ease my worry i have compiled my list of the ten things they should warn you before your first IVF appointment…

That first appointment, the one where you are waiting in anticipation, excited about the hope that there is something that can be done about the fact that you haven’t had a period in – when was the last time i had my period?

It is at this point one of the nurses should give you a beautifully decorated piece of paper that says the following:-

10 things

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying where there seemed to be no HOPE at all.”  Dale Carnegie

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