Lullaby
Day 328 in my miracles life
I just cant help myself, she is the most beautiful most precious girl in the world…
Cuddles…
Day 323 in my miracles life
The doctor told me the other day that hugs are good, that sometimes lifes’ problems can simply be solved with a hug.
I am beginning to learn the truth in this through my little girl. I sure its something that most babies do at this age, but to me it is the most magical thing in the world – my daughter has learned to cuddle. We say ‘cuddles’ and she tucks her head into your chest and squeezes so tight it melts my heart away, she cuddles and in an instant i feel like everything is ok, like nothing else matters, that she has saved me even just in that moment….
She knows its me, and she even misses me on the days we are apart, in an instant when i walk through that door i can hear her calling me, and i know, i know that i went through what i went through for this, for these moments.
When i was pregnant i swore i would be the parent who stuck to her boundarys, the parent who said no to the habit of co sleeping, the parent who didnt smoother her child – but how can you not? When you wake in the middle of the night, sad from life’s torments, when you wake from a dream where nothing is right and everything is wrong, how can you not turn to what makes you whole?
Last night i woke from a bad dream, and for the first time i did something that i never thought i would do, i went to my georges room took her from her cot back to my room, into our bed and snuggled until it was time to rise.
“Cuddles” i whispered in the dark of the night, “cuddles for mum?” and as if she knew just what i needed she snuggled tight to my chest and fell back to sleep…
Life right now may have its ups and downs, but at the end of a hard day, when i feel like the world is against me i know now there is jsut one word that will make everything better…
“Cuddles”
Ok so i couldnt get any cuddles today, that may have to be another video post, but i did get a little tanti and a lot of crawling… And lets be honest – babies are just so dam cute they cheer you up no matter what they are doing ( and because i was in a bizare mood tonight – i chipmunked my baby – yes yes i did!)
The thing that got me though the day
Day 299 in my miracles life
Today the tests that i went through, were just aweful, but as i lay on the table being scanned, having dye injected where dye and fluid honestly shouldnt be injected, as i lay there remembering all the horrible tests i was enduring just two years ago, as the tears began welling up in my eyes, the nurse said something that simply took my mind from the reality i was living.
Just think of that beautiful little girl waiting for you out there…
So i did…. I let myself simply think of my miracle, of the precious little girl waiting for me in the waiting room with her father, and in an instant it was over, my mind was clear from the turmoil and depression i suffered from over the weekend.
All because of her.
I dont know where the time went, i dont know how she grew up so quickly, but i know that when i am on the kitchen floor crying my eyes out, when i am laying on a hospital testing bed with a machine circling me with dye being shot up inside of me, when i need a happy place to escape to, she is it…
She is my reason for living, she is my life, she is my all, i love her more than i knew i ever could…. I love her with a love i never knew existed…
A New Era
Day 125 in my miracles life
The time has passed me by so quickly. I can remember my mother once telling me that i was growing up too quickly, at the time i could remember thinking to myself that time was going so slow, but as i grow older and as the days quickly pass me by i realise that when you are watching your little lady grow each day, yes the time passes us bu all to quickly.
This time last year i was going through the hardest time of my life i thought that i would be facing a life without children, i wanted the world to cave in from under me and for my existence on this earth to end. I can remember thinking that if i only knew when, then i would be able to survive the torture that if i only knew when the end was, than it would all have been ok, little did i know that a year later it would all be ok, and little did i know that a year later the worst pain in my life would be from a c-section scar.
Already a new era of my babies life has begun as yesterday she started on solid foods. When i think about it, it sometimes seems a little silly that i get so excited about something so small, but to me it means that my dreams have come true, to me each new step, each new era is a step in my life one year ago i thought would never be mine.
And yesterday, maybe a little prematurely, we began the great task of baby proofing our home, we are getting ready for our daughter to begin destroying our home – and we couldnt be more excited! We have moved tables and chairs, bought highchairs and furniture, moved books and dvd’s, hidden cables and blocked off areas… We have now become the family home, the child proof home, the home that has purpose rather than beauty as priority.
Its been one year since i was so lost and confused and yet it feels like i faced my nightmares just yesterday. It feels like i shouldnt be baby proofing my house just yet, it feels like i shouldnt be feeding her solids just yet, it feels like a new era shouldnt be upon me, but it is, it really is here, and it really is now, and i still really cant believe i faced my fears, i overcame my battles, and i cant believe i am sitting here getting ready to feed my child her second solids meal.
100 days of IVF has lead to 100 days of Life…
Day 100 in my miracles life
To my dearest little miracle,
As i read through my posts from this time last year, when my challenge was simply 100 days of IVF, i get shivers down my spine and most times i cant help but to cry.
This time last year, i was struggling, i was in the biggest deepest darkest hole of my life, and looking back on it now i honestly dont know how i survived, how i woke up every morning and had the strength to continue.
All i can tell you is that of course it was worth it, and of course i wouldnt change it for the world, but as i look back on it now it scares me my little one to think that if God hadnt answered my prayers, if i hadnt given it ‘one last shot’ i may not be the same woman i have become today, i may not have become your mom.
On December 1 2009 i wrote the words
There is but 30 days left of what has surely been the worst year of my life, and i swear on what little happiness i have left inside of me that 2010 is going to be better – and that this time next year i will look back and shake my head at myself, and think… I got through that, maybe not with all my dignity, but i got through it and in doing so, found out who i really am.
And now as i sit here now with shivers down my spine yet again, i do look back and i do realise that i got through it, i did loose some of my dignity, but i got through it Georgii – i can say now, whether it be with tears streaming down my cheeks or whether it be with a smile on my face, i can say that i got through it…
And my precious little miracle, yes in doing so i found out who i really am.
I am the girl i always knew i could be – a mother, your mother.
Happy 100 days my princess, i love you more than life itself.
Love from the mother that will always be.
From Conception to Birth – The Miracle Of Life
All i know is when the world shouted ‘Give up’ HOPE whispered ‘One more time’
This is my ‘one more time’
This is hope, my faith, and now all of the love i have inside of me
Day 307 – The FINAL Adventures of Georges Bedroom – Thats right, its finished!
Thirty Three Weeks. Six Days. 43 Days to go…
Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful. Thich Nhat Hanh
