To succeed you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you Tony Dorsett

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day. Winnie The Pooh

I have been realizing lately that the way I see death may just be somewhat different to the way others experience and feel it, and I can’t help but to wonder if in fact my life has lead me to a point where I can accept it much easier than others.

And in turn that makes me wonder if it shouldn’t be this way, if in fact I should be more scared, less accepting, of death than I am.

I once had a friend who told me that she was petrified of dying, and in part I couldn’t quite comprehend how someone could be so scared of the unknown, or how someone could live their life worried about each day being their last.  I know that I worry about a lot of things – I mean I suffer from anxiety for goodness sake – but at the end of the day what I think about dying, I am not scared, I am accepting.

Another friend told me that it was because they loved their life so much that they were so scared of leaving this world and the people in it, so when I think about that, I begin to wonder if maybe it is a bad thing that I am not scared of death.  But no matter how I put a spin on it, I am just not afraid….

And in part, for this, I feel a little guilty….

My Mother (35) & me (6)

I have always said that courage is the quality of mind that enables someone to face difficulty without fear and with bravery, but maybe courage isn’t so much about not having fear but accepting the fear and being stronger than it?

This year, in just 6 months time I hit the big three-oh, and while to some it may seem like a small milestone, for me, it is scary, it is something that is stirring an unstable pot of emotions….  And while I know that I cannot change the past, and while I know that I must look only into the future and what I have in my life right now, there is a part of me that can’t help but to wonder about my mother.

She didn’t know it, but when my mother was my age – when my mother was 29 – she had but ten years left to live.

I can’t help but to sit here and think of my own life’s fragility and wonder how on earth I would possibly be able to say goodbye to a family I have only just started to fall deeply in love with, how on earth I would be able to look into my daughters eyes and still give a sense of reassurement even when I knew my life was coming to an end.

I don’t know how I could do that, but that is exactly what my mother did the five years or so she battled breast cancer.

How do you hear the worst possible news about your health and yet hold a smile on your face for your two daughters?  How do you live each day scared about your future, yet still hold it together for your kids?  I know now, in looking back on the way that my mother handled her cancer and her fatal diagnosis that courage isn’t about not having fear, courage is about facing it.  And when push comes to shove, when I put my grief aside, when I forget my own sadness and hurt, I know that my mother was the most courageous woman I know – for she was the one who had to face cancer in front of her two small daughters.

I sit here looking at my daughter playing and I cannot imagine, I just can’t.  The thought of not being there for my own daughter scares the living day lights out of me, simply because I know what it is like to live a life without a mother, and while my own health needs no concern, each time I stop and think, I think about all the other women of this world, like my mother, that are today being the most courageous people on this earth.

Can you imagine saying good bye to your children at just 39 years old?

Could you imagine lying in a hospital bed, knowing that you had but weeks to live, feeling the weakness take over your body, and yet still put on a smile for your children?

And can you imagine taking your last breath knowing that you would never see your daughters grow to be women?

I can’t.  I just can’t.

And because of that I run.

Every mothers day my sister, my father and I run in honor of my mother – the most courageous woman I know.

We Run For Mum.

Today I ask that you take a brief moment and think about what it might be like not to see your 40th birthday, to have cancer steal more than half of your life away.

And I ask from the depths of my heart that you support us as ‘We Run For Mum‘ and donate to The Breast Cancer Foundation so that others do not have to face a reality where they must say goodbye to a family they cherish.

Sponsor our team We Run For Mum – Running the Mothers Day Classic is honor of Jenny Bowen 1954 – 1994

She is nothing less than a miracle sent to me from God.  I love her more than words can ever express and i can’t imagine a world without her…