Day twenty six of the final full IVF cycle in our quest to chase our little miracle… Crinone 8% once daily

Christmas has come, in seven days the year will be done, and in 6 days i will know where 2010 is destined to take me…

This is my 28th christmas eve, and it sometimes amazes me that at this time of year, i always seem to think back on years past and remember what i was doing.

I dont remember a lot from my past but i do remember the Christmas’s my family and i celebrated in Paris, and even then it is quite hazy.  There is one christmas i treasure with all my heart but i remember it only because i have this silly photo of my sister and i in these silly princes costumes my mother made for us.

I remember that christmas because it was the year our mother made so many costumes for us, and my sister and i played for years and years with the dress ups, and we always had so much fun creating characters, and showing our mother little skits that we had come up with, ok ok skits that my sister had come up with and had made me her little actor that she got to ‘direct’

I would have been about 7 or 8 and i remember i also got a little something extra that year.  My mother made me a cape.  I just loved that cape, it was navy blue on the outside and red on the inside.  It was the same one that my favorite cartoon character wore, i have no idea what that cartoon was called but i remember that it was a woman in a cape that swung from building to building saving the world.

That year i also had begun having nightmares.  Specifically one about a crocodile chasing me in the forest, but i couldnt run.

One night not long after christmas i got one of these nightmares again, my mother of course came running to my room to calm me down, only this time she brought my cape.  she wrapped the cape around me and told me that i was this cartoon character and that i could fight the crocodile and that i didnt have to be scared because i was a super hero now that i had my cape on.

And right now i am sitting here with tear steaming down my face, memories coming flooding back, and i am wish so hard, so hard, that i had remembered this story when my mother was still alive, so that i could have said thank you.

Thank yo for watching those stupid shows my sister made me do, thank you for spending hours making a silly cape just so i could sleep at night, thank you for staying with me and stroking my hair until i feel to sleep, telling me that i was a strong super hero, thank you for taking the time to think of something that would help me sleep, and most of all thank you for giving me memories that i now treasure with all my heart.

If it is one thing i have leart in my life, it is that christmas is for memories, so this year, no matter the situation, no matter the heart ache you have faced, no matter the physical or emotional pain you are in, no matter what the future holds, stop, just stop and breath and remember that tonight is the eve of when Christ was born, and no matter how old or young you are, Christ is watching out for you making sure that these years are the years you will remember and have memories to cherish for the rest of your lifetime.

I pray that you and your families have the most joyous and memorable christmas. Rremember that 2010 is going to be a great year, so put away your woes, raise your glasses and toast to the best last week of the worst year.

Merry Christmas.

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time. ~Laura Ingalls Wilder