I have to admit, i thought that once i was pregnant i would have gotten over the whole googeling thing...  Or perhaps i knew i was going to Google, but i assumed it would be all bells and whistles, roses and blue skies...

But alas, i was once again wrong, so i am placing a formal compliant to the allusive Dr Google.

Dear Dr Google,

I would just like to begin this letter on a positive note by letting you know that your brothers Google, Google images, and Google Maps who are not doctors, often give me great assistance when needed, they are helpful and rarely negative, and always answer with only one key word.

However Dr Google, you on the other hand seem to like to inform me of nothing but negatives.  I asked you my success rates of IVF, and you spat out numerous articles all averaging less that my clinic percentage, didnt you understand i was looking for a 99% probability?

I asked you the symptoms of implantation, and BOY did you get that one wrong!  If i had had a better answer, maybe i would have had more hope earlier on...

I also asked you about the side effects of the drugs i was taking, did you tell me it would be ok, and everything i was experiencing was normal?  No No Dr Google, you told me that the side effects would only get worse, and you continually spat literature at me - that's not what i was looking for!

And most recently, Dr Google, I ask you about fetal development, and what do you tell me? You told me miscarriage rates and you told me about birth defects , that is right, as positively as you try to spin it, and no matter how hard you try to hide it from me, i still read it!

So Dr Google, this is a request not only from myself, but from my fellow TTC'ers and my fellow 1st trimester'ers... GET RID OF ANY NEGATIVITY!

We want nothing but positive data from now on, now i am not saying that you should lie, i am just saying that you should admit all the 'bad press'.  All that info that we 'really didnt need to know'.

So if you could do me a favour and in future simply just leave out all the negative answers and just really give me what i am looking for, that would be greatly apprecaited.

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to comment below.

Regards,

Chasing A Miracle.

PS - Why am i still not at the top of your search? Nobody really cares about the sixty minutes story in 2007...

People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong. Why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom? Thich Nhat Hanh

To day i witnessed a miracle and a half, and once more my faith has been restored.

I know its sad to say that i needed my faith to be restored, but sometimes, you need to see something that makes you believe, to have hope once more, something that makes you smile uncontrollably - even if its just for one second... Sometimes you just need to see love to know inside of you that sometimes things can really work out.

Today i saw a life born into the arms of two loving parents.  I saw someone give all they have into giving life to a child, and even now it makes me cry and smile all at the same time.

I cant express to you how much gratitude i have for being able to witness such a miracle, and it came just when i needed it most of all... Some would think that i may feel jealous or envious, as i may never be able to experience such a miracle myself... But im not, there is no part of me that felt anything but overwhelming happiness and excitement for what i experienced, and the life that i will be a part of as long as i am on this earth.

I meet a miracle this morning at 11.12am - thirty five minutes earlier than i predicted.  Charlie Jason Angell is the most perfect little Angell who belongs to the two most deserving Angells i know. And while all that was happening, this morning at 9.30am I also saw what could be a miracle, what i hope to be a miracle... I saw a void in my uterus... a void that could possibly grow into a miracle of my own.

I know babies are born every minute of everyday, and for most people, not deserving enough to call a miracle, but if they knew the struggles some women go through, if they sore what it takes to make a baby, if they spent the day with me... They would surely realize just how much life is a wonder...

From a void to a little baby.... Amazing, magical and just the most splendid feeling on this earth...  How on earth can you not believe in a higher power, in miracles, in all that the Lord has to offer, once you know that some cells, a microscopic ball of cells, a void in a uterus... can grow into a little life... Tell me now not to believe...

A new baby is like the beginning of all things-wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities. Eda J. Le Shan

As the days went by and the time ticked on and as the words emerged, i never imagined that 100 days later i would have made over 100 new friends, i never imagined that i would have so many new people in my life who care SO much for me that they would stay awake just to see my news.  I never imagined that there were so many people out there who could care so much about a stranger.

When you least expect it you will meet a stranger that will change your life forever...

I dont know what you look like, i dont know alot of your names, i dont know what you do and i dont know anything about your lives, your past nor your present, but i do know that you are my friends.  I know that now matter what happens, you care, and i know that no matter what happens, you will be there for me, and i know that no matter what happens i will always know where to find you - and for that, thank you....

I have said this before to other people, but today, today i mean it from the deep depths of my heart, there will never be enough words to say what i need to say, never enough for you to know jsut what you mean to me, never enough to express how i really feel.

For the times when you stayed awake to see my news - thank you.  For the times when you waited, your hearts beating as fast as mine - thank you.  For the times when you simply gave me a *HUG* a *MWAH* a :p and even a - thank you. Thank you for the past 100 days, for your support, for cheering me along when i needed it most, for praying for me when i thought i had lost God, for crossing your fingers and toes for me, thank you. And thank you for the comments that always made me cry...

I wish there was another word for thank you, because i still need to say thank you for just being you, and for just being there for me when i thought i was alone. Without you, without the experiences i have faced over the past 100 days, i would surely not know where i was headed, what to expect, and i would surely not be as at peace with my situation as i am today.

I will not lie, i am scared, i dont know where i am headed, there are no final answers as i had hoped... But i know that i have friends, friends that no matter what happens, no matter where my journey continues to, no matter what my life throws at me next, you will always be there reading and writing comments, helping me through the challenges.

The worst year of my life is now over, and again i say - i wouldnt change it for the earth.

I sit here and i welcome in 2010 with open arms knowing that i have strangers in my life who will be with me holding my hand chasing my miracle each and every day with me.

Once again from the bottom of my heart - thank you.

Love always Cheryl, the mother that may never be...