Limbo Land Day Fourteen
There comes a point i think when one just must go on… Decide that whatever will be will be, because in the end there is nothing you can do, no way that you can change things, nothing that you can do to physicality change the outcome…
I know that if the outcome of this waiting, of this limbo land, is negative, i will be devistated, there is nothing i can do for myself to change that. But in saying that, i can act now to help myself pick myself up again. And that is what i am doing.
I am hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
Yesterday and last night my boobs stoped hurting,and my husband even commented that they had shrunk, and i know in reality this means that the HCG hormone levels must have dropped. I want to hope and i want to believe that this may still be my miracle, and after yesterday i will never stop believing in miracles, and i will try my hardest not to doubt Gods plan, but i am a realist, and i am not naive, i know that on monday my blood work will have confirmed the enevadible.
It is funny because last week, all i wanted was for my levels to drop and this to be over… I prayed that my boobs would stop hurting and that i could just go back to normaility… But after i saw that ultrasound, after i saw just an ounce of hope, it was like my world changed, and i wanted the levels to stay, i wanted my boobs to hurt….
On thursday i said i needed a miracle to go on, i saw one on friday, and today on saturday even though the outcome looks bleak, because i got the miracle i asked for, i know in my heart that it will be okay, and that the future is what it is and i cant change it, i just have to find enough faith and courage inside of me, and know that i will be ok, and one day, one day, i will hold my miracle, and know that it truly was a miracle…
We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness




















